Today was quiet. Much of it at least. Kids went to church and to their dad's house for lunch. One kid got up at 1:30 when his biggest brother stopped by with his roommates. I visited for a little over an hour. Then, went back to weeding. Took a break from the barn clutter today. I went out first thing. Thought about it. Then decided to do something different. Had some still time. Ate some toast. Then went to weeding. I have a lot to do around this house. Beginning with getting rid of a lot of stuff. A lot. It can't be my home with the clutter of the past. And I need to start thinking about what I want for the future and what is just simply stuff. I'm just tired of having too much. Everywhere I look. It makes me feel cramped. Time to trim way back and way down. I keep saying it. But I have to keep reminding myself. Keep seeing that eventually I'll get through all of this work. So. Much. Work. Everywhere I look.
So, today I am just doing what occurs to me. Letting my mind and body not work as hard. Then the kids and I will have five days til the garage sale. I don't kid myself....I'm really going to have to push them. They aren't going to be happy campers about it. But it has to be done. And it certainly isn't all my stuff.
But it's my job to make it all down to size. To get rid of the stone around our necks. The chaos and clutter. And the bit of quiet today people are was probably good for me. Though it's hard to know that all around me are with families and doing fun meals and laughing. I'll make it through the quiet time. The alone time. Because it is what I have to do.
Some moments I am amazed that I knew so many people. Had so many people in my home. Cooked so many meals. And really, it was just superficial. I am learning that if people come but don't invite...or let you stop by but don't invite..it's polite, but it's not close. Right up there with emails, texts and phone calls. If you do all of the reaching, they just aren't that into you. And I wasn't much worth being with. Too stressed.
And now I just have to get comfortable in that fact. I always thought that I would be the person at church like my grandparents were....where if you were gone, it was a big deal. Like you mattered. Were necessary. But it didn't work out that way. And the quiet will help me face truth. And keep moving on.
But boy, doing it all right now is tough. Most of the time I am strong and powerful these days. Able to face it knowing that God has me. But ever so often, I just wilt with the absolute sheer amount of stuff to do. On my own. I have time. I will finish. But I may fall apart a few times in between. That's ok. I'll just be quiet and let God love me. I don't have to do it all well. It's hard right now because I'm SO embarrassed about my home. It's a wreck. And one son is making it moreso and doing nothing at all to help. I think that after school starts I'm going to write up a contract that is rules for coming home to live or for living at home after 17. Because I don't want to have another summer like this. It's really hard to keep up when some just keep making more mess.
Quiet time. Still time. Weeding. Thinking. Praying. Wondering. Looking forward to when this part is past. And it will be. Just got to keep enough energy to make it.
blessings.
So, today I am just doing what occurs to me. Letting my mind and body not work as hard. Then the kids and I will have five days til the garage sale. I don't kid myself....I'm really going to have to push them. They aren't going to be happy campers about it. But it has to be done. And it certainly isn't all my stuff.
But it's my job to make it all down to size. To get rid of the stone around our necks. The chaos and clutter. And the bit of quiet today people are was probably good for me. Though it's hard to know that all around me are with families and doing fun meals and laughing. I'll make it through the quiet time. The alone time. Because it is what I have to do.
Some moments I am amazed that I knew so many people. Had so many people in my home. Cooked so many meals. And really, it was just superficial. I am learning that if people come but don't invite...or let you stop by but don't invite..it's polite, but it's not close. Right up there with emails, texts and phone calls. If you do all of the reaching, they just aren't that into you. And I wasn't much worth being with. Too stressed.
And now I just have to get comfortable in that fact. I always thought that I would be the person at church like my grandparents were....where if you were gone, it was a big deal. Like you mattered. Were necessary. But it didn't work out that way. And the quiet will help me face truth. And keep moving on.
But boy, doing it all right now is tough. Most of the time I am strong and powerful these days. Able to face it knowing that God has me. But ever so often, I just wilt with the absolute sheer amount of stuff to do. On my own. I have time. I will finish. But I may fall apart a few times in between. That's ok. I'll just be quiet and let God love me. I don't have to do it all well. It's hard right now because I'm SO embarrassed about my home. It's a wreck. And one son is making it moreso and doing nothing at all to help. I think that after school starts I'm going to write up a contract that is rules for coming home to live or for living at home after 17. Because I don't want to have another summer like this. It's really hard to keep up when some just keep making more mess.
Quiet time. Still time. Weeding. Thinking. Praying. Wondering. Looking forward to when this part is past. And it will be. Just got to keep enough energy to make it.
blessings.
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