funny how hard work can be sitting on my duff rummaging through memories. sorting by child. making piles to put into organized containers. sooo many memories. all of the old cards from my ex. i kept the first letter he ever gave me...before we were married. want my kids to see love. strange how i read his words now and i realize that it was all about what i could give to him. oops. now i get it. i won't make that mistake again. probably a new one. :)
took an enneagram test today. interesting. rates you by a number and then a description after 144 questions. trying to get to know me. what do you know.....i think, i have things to say, but i withdraw whne there's conflict. until i've finally been pushed to have to do something....because i function in peace. i already knew that, but it was funny to read it.
i've survived this going through stuff. it's tiring. but, i am doing it for my kids. so they can look through their boxes. they like that. and it's easier to do without them around. because it's emotional. and i have to rest some.
what does love look like? love looks like acceptance in someone's eyes. that knowing that no matter what, they accept and treasure. not if. not when. period. it looks like tenderness towards children. i see fathers cuddling or ruffling the hair or pulling their children to them and i almost weep. not for a photo. not for show. just as a natural show of tenderness and love. my kids didn't get that. especially my boys. competition was the theme. win. be the best. earn it.
i read this week that there is a triangular theory of love. that love has three sides.intimacy, passion, commitment. and based on which combinations of those are present, you have different types of love. imagine my surprise when i read commitment love......commitment alone=empty love. i cried. it's so true. it doesn't fill. it is empty.
i am doing hard work on myself. tough learning. prayer. discovering. asking. searching.
this is a good week.
i will become stronger as i learn to face what is real, who i am, what the reality means to me and how to go on. but it's not easy. not at all. but it's satisfying. truth. wholeness. peace. of mind and heart.
i am having trouble letting go of some things. gotta do it. one little step at a time.
blessings.
took an enneagram test today. interesting. rates you by a number and then a description after 144 questions. trying to get to know me. what do you know.....i think, i have things to say, but i withdraw whne there's conflict. until i've finally been pushed to have to do something....because i function in peace. i already knew that, but it was funny to read it.
i've survived this going through stuff. it's tiring. but, i am doing it for my kids. so they can look through their boxes. they like that. and it's easier to do without them around. because it's emotional. and i have to rest some.
what does love look like? love looks like acceptance in someone's eyes. that knowing that no matter what, they accept and treasure. not if. not when. period. it looks like tenderness towards children. i see fathers cuddling or ruffling the hair or pulling their children to them and i almost weep. not for a photo. not for show. just as a natural show of tenderness and love. my kids didn't get that. especially my boys. competition was the theme. win. be the best. earn it.
i read this week that there is a triangular theory of love. that love has three sides.intimacy, passion, commitment. and based on which combinations of those are present, you have different types of love. imagine my surprise when i read commitment love......commitment alone=empty love. i cried. it's so true. it doesn't fill. it is empty.
i am doing hard work on myself. tough learning. prayer. discovering. asking. searching.
this is a good week.
i will become stronger as i learn to face what is real, who i am, what the reality means to me and how to go on. but it's not easy. not at all. but it's satisfying. truth. wholeness. peace. of mind and heart.
i am having trouble letting go of some things. gotta do it. one little step at a time.
blessings.
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