create

to create means you have to actually see something.  you have to know what you want.  you have to have a vision. you have to be unafraid to do something new, unique, or different.  to create means to take any pieces of beauty from inside ourselves to put them on display in some kinds of works for the world to enjoy. ....to be encouraged by.  creating involves every part of a person.  mental.  emotional.  spiritual. physical.  to create means to sacrifice time and effort to complete something that compels you.  it's often a painful process to figure out what the creation will look like...how it will fit together...it takes thought, planning and purpose.  it takes commitment to seeing things through. to finish the task.  because creating is not a predictable activity.  unknowns, unexpected things come along at every turn and you have to decide whether to scrap it or embrace the unexpected.
create. i never thought that it would be my word of the year.

what DO i want to create?  it has been on my heart for months and has only just been given a word...and identity...form...definition.  since i separated , i have said that there is a kind of person that i want to be.  i fail often, but in order to sculpt that woman, i have to figure out what she looks like, sounds like, believes, hopes for, dreams.  i have to envision the background or backdrop for that life.  i have to plan how to get from my current beginning point to where i want to be.  i have to take the steps that are required in  specific order and i have to understand a couple of really important things.  sometimes it's time to stop and wait before you take the next step or things get all messed up.  just like painting layers or putting on a finishing glaze...if you get in a rush, you smear what you have already created.  and just as importantly, while creating, things evolve and happen that are more beautiful and perfect than you originally planned or dreamed and it's important to embrace the change from what was originally dreamed to what actually blossoms and grows out of the original inspiration.
i want to create a life that gives.  that uses the keys that i uniquely have in a way that is mine alone.  not that i want to do it alone.  not at all. but i want to remember that every thought, every talent, every gift, every ability, every dream, every desire, every fear, every hope, every moment fits together  in a distinct combination to make me who i am.  in order to create....sculpt...a life that gives encouragement, kindness, compassion, truth, peace, joy and wisdom, i must learn to revel in the amazing fact of having been created myself.  uniquely.  exquisitely.  and as i revel, enjoy, take pleasure and bask in that thought, it occurs to me that perhaps i will find an ability that is uniquely mine to hone and share....that i might give good to my world and shine glory back to the one who originally gave me these gifts.
i want to create a bubble in which it is safe to try.  to fail...without it being failing, but calling it a new name....learning.  not just for me.  for those who get close.  i can be brusque.  yet, i can also be encouraging.  it's a precariously balanced system that gets out of whack when i am overly stressed, discouraged or simply not allowed time to reflect and be still.  knowing this about myself means that in order to create this bubble that i dream of requires that i make the effort to prioritize in my life so that i am not running after every seemingly important or crucial or  goal...or rule...or expectation.  funny, another word that i love is "choose"....in order to create, i have to choose the elements that are the most important and necessary for the project that i am working on and get the other stuff out of the way.
i want to create a being.  a person.  a woman.  not just any being, person or woman....but the one that god envisioned. i know that he put within me the necessary tools.  i know that not one element is missing for creating who i am supposed to be...problems arise when i try to create someone else and i find that i'm missing pieces and try to make something fit where it doesn't work.  it's much like trying to build a lego boat with the lego helicopter set...it's possible, but it won't be as amazing as if you build what the pieces were meant to be.
i want to create an attitude. not just "be positive"...but really being positive at the deepest level. i have lived long enough to know that circumstances that look good can turn out horribly and those that look dismal can be the best memories ever.  so i want to create a mind that consciously looks for the good.  the excellent.  the beauty.  i want to marvel in simple pleasures. it's part of who i am.  a cloud. a look.  a flower.  a sunrise or sunset.  the moon.  the ripple on the lake.  a stone.  a shell.  the way the sand shifts under my toes. (hahaha...i missed the letter f in shifts....lucky i caught that since spell check did not...) silly jokes.  the smile of a friend.  a new sweater.  truly...it's just part of my dna to be easily pleased.  but i fight that.  i feel silly.  i keep silent about how the world amazes me.  touches me.  blesses me.  i need to stop doing that in order to create an attitude that is thankful and positive and focused on what is the best in a situation.
i want to create memories.  i want to take trips with friends.  i want to have parties with and for my kids.  i want to do silly things.  fun things.  new things.  i want to encourage my children to risk...look...there's that other word that i could have chosen.  by teaching them that it's ok to fail and be encouraging them to create memories rather than simply achievements, i think that i will help to direct them to the key of their life...to the thing that they are at their very core that will be who they need to create.  hmmm.  i guess it's a cycle.  a gift of true living.  thriving.  not just surviving.
create.
i never thought that would be my word.  i have a dozen friends that are artist, musician, crafters....this should be their word.  and yet, somehow, it is beautifully my word.  create. design.  sculpt.  a life. not just a living.  a heart.  a purpose. making sure that the only gift of life is not the breath that we breathe but the beauty that we leave behind.  no, i didn't expect it to be my word.  it found me in the deep recesses of my heart.  i look forward to what i will learn from it.