nutrition

i am doing serious work in my life regarding nutrition.  some days, i berate myself for not getting it better.  for not doing it sooner.  i don't mean a diet.  i mean nutrients.  food that feeds my cells and lets them do their jobs.  an added benefit is feeling full and satisfied without being bloated or constipated feeling...yes, i said constipated.  but i've been realizing that it's silly to put myself down.  we do what we learn as we go.  and it's never too late and never too little.  some nutrition is better than none....and i can build from there.
leading to....
nutrition for my soul.
my emotions.
my social life.
it's the same idea. i don't need to berate myself for the past.  i don't need to fix everything in the now.  i don't need to be a super christian.  i need to be real.  to do what i can today.  to live in a way that feeds my soul.  that feeds my emotional health.  and that helps me interact with others.
i know my weaknesses well.
i know that the truth is that there aren't a lot of people who count me in their top ten.
i know that several years ago, before i was even separated, let alone, divorced, i took a stand for some people and that stand cost me.  and it cost me all alone.  my husband of the time stood firmly.....away.  even the people i was standing for don't know.  not really.  the snide remarks that i batted down.  the judgements.  the cruelty.  it cost me dearly in the social world.  but as a human being?  it made me a better one.  though it means that some people now think about my divorce, "it figures"...remember how she was so adamant back then?  it's no wonder that she couldn't keep a husband.
funny how that thought just brought tears.
mostly because it's true.
it's those very things.
i don't allow people to be abused.  i will put myself in the line of fire.  i will deflect.  i will defend.
and no matter what people call it, it's something i like about myself.
guess i interfered.  it irritated.  life for me has never been the same.  i've never recovered socially.  i've never had the close relationships with my besties.
and it meant that when i faced my own abuse, i had to doing the standing for myself.  there are a few that are somewhat close.  but there is not a day that anyone else has stood between me and the ones that make life hard.
that's ok.  because i am learning how to feed my soul.  how to stop berating and start giving it what it needs.  not praying to be different but praying to be strong.  to be kind. to be loving.  no matter what that needs to look like for me.  i am learning to give the nutrients of the word of god to my soul not for the purpose of looking good....but to build up my soul so that i can be of use to others.  not so i can spout off the words to them...but so that i can give them the strength to get up one more time and as they see how i managed that, maybe they will be able to go to the words for themselves.  to find nutrition of their own.
nutrition.  the feeding of the very units that make up life.
i'm on it.  not perfectly by any means.  but on the right path.  even if the path is lonely.
blessings.