normal

yesterday afternoon we picked up 11 college kids at the airport.  they are coming to hellp with flood clean up.  took them to downtown denver to look around.  went to casa bonita.  that's a must for tourists.  that way, you know that you got the yuckiest meal out of the way. hahaha.  home.  i had 15 young people in my home last night.  sleeping everywhere.  on pallets made of blankets, air mattresses, cots, couches.  kids everywhere.  such nice kids.  wonderful people.  18-21 years old.  spending a week of their christmas break helping others.  cleaning.  getting up early.  wow.  i love that they are here.  they won't be with me all week, just yesterday and today.

but i went to bed and realized that my life is normal again.  not perfect.  but it's a normal life.  i didn't feel a sense of awkwardness being a single mom in this house with this large group.  i didn't feel pressured to have the perfect house.  i didn't do it all the "right way".  i did it how i do it.  "there are the mugs, the glasses, the juice, the coffee, cocoa and tea...please help yourself when you'd like something."  please eat a lot.  make yourself completely at home.  relax.  rest.  enjoy.  

and i took a breath and did the same.  even when they went in my messy room because we ended up needing to use my bathroom as well as the others.  i didn't freak out.  i decided that i need to live what is important to me.  putting people at ease.  relaxing them.  giving them what they need.  giving space.  time.  food.  drink.  i lived who i am.  and only who i am.  without the added dimension of trying to impress or do it right or be more than someone else.

you have to understand....i am not a huge housekeeper.  i like things clean but i don't freak out.  i am not very organized.  i like serving lots of good, simple food in a super laid back fashion.  and..the floor in my family room is cement since we pulled up the carpet.  i didn't apologize.  i didn't even talk about it.  some kids ended up on the floor and not on mattresses.  that's ok.  they will survive.  and my bedroom is in disarray with empty christmas boxes and school work all around.  i haven't folded laundry in three days.  and yet.  everything was fine.  life did not end.  

they polished off two pounds of bacon, and a couple of pounds of sausage.  18 eggs.  yogurt. berries.  fruit.  cold cereal.  bagels.  cheese.  orange juice.  coffee.  tea.  cocoa.  

they played outside in the snow.  they sat in front of the fire.  they took naps on the sofa.  they chatted and laughed.  we hugged goodbye when it was time to go.  i told them to come back if they needed something during their week of service.  

i may never see these young people again.  or i may.  but what i hope i left with them was a sense that they are cared about and valued....and welcome.  

i don't make a lot of conversation.  it's hard for me.  especially in large groups.  but i can meet their needs.  i can be kind.  i can simply enjoy people. and let them enjoy my home.  

i have a home.  not just a house.  and it's not fancy.  and it's not always clean.  but i have a place to live.  a place that is warm.  and a place that has room for many.  we can be flexible and make things work.  it was fun.  because we are a family.

all of my kids got up to help.  i never asked.  i never called them.  it was incredible.  such a blessing. i like our home.  i like how making it easy feels good.  i like how i can rest and then let them help....but not stress over how much help i'm getting or not.  

i am happy.  genuinely and peacefully and ecstatically happy.  because i am choosing to look on the sunny side.  i am choosing to live in the grace that is given for today.  this day.  the now.  i can't handle two days from now.  or a month from now.  i certainly don't know what i should be doing when child support and maintenance ends.  no clue.  but i do know that for today...all is well.  and i find peace in that.

my life isn't odd. it's not second best or second rate.  it has been bruised.  beaten.  kicked around.  but it's not bad.  and my choices in how to respond to how bad life was don't mean that my home is not a real home and my family not a real family.  

normal.  our normal is pretty easy going and laid back.  not lazy.  just slower than the frantic pace that the world runs on. and i like it.

blessings.