changes

Meet Rosemary.  A little bundle of cuteness and joy.  A big commitment.  It was hard for me.  We have two dogs.  One is a senior citizen.  I adore him.  The other is my daughter's chihuahua.  I am glad that my daughter has her because she is a comfort to her...but though I like her, she is unruly.
I prayed about this decision.  Though it may sound silly.  Because it's a family member and I needed that right one.  I was so used to having to fight to do something like this, that I found myself shaking when we were getting her from the shelter.  Overwhelmed.  Cold.  Scared.  It was really hard for me to say yes to my daughter.  But then, I did.  I said yes.  I decided.  I decided to go for it though it was scary and though it won't be comfortable.  I decided because I needed to be able to say yes to something that has been on my daughter's heart for a long time.  A puppy.  Not a dog.  I love my DOG, by the way.  And, I realized this week that getting a puppy while I have the old man around to help train the newbie would be a good thing.  True dat.  She follows him outside.  Takes care of business.  Plays.  Doesn't fetch yet, obviously, but watches him do it and is fascinated.  She's a little baby.  Five pounds.    At the shelter they said that she might take time to socialize.  But she learns really fast.
My daughter and I took on the responsibility.  The boys not so much.  Not interested.  Want her...just no responsibility.  That's ok.  I knew that it was my job.  But, my oldest at home grinned when he saw her.  He said, "now our family is complete."  Sweet.
This was a big step for me.  Though I can barely explain why.  I had to overcome some emotions.  I had to get past the trauma of the past.  I had to understand that I could make a decision without defiance and hurt.  That I could decide and train and love...without any arguing or guilt or being told that I can't because I don't do anything else well enough.
But the hurdle looked huge.  I was sweating it out.  Then cold.  Then shaky.  Then....I decided.  Just simply looked at my daughter and said, "yes, you can have her."  I told her that I love her and understand how important this has been to her.  I did it.  And the hurdle shrunk.  Making next time I have to make one of these decisions easier.  Because now I know that when I actually decide, the anxiety will end.
Saying yes.  I like it.  I'm happy with it.  It's easier to say no.  But, there's such a short time left with my daughter....saying yes was totally fun.  For both of us.  And it was good for the boys too.  Thanks be to God.  Literally.
blessings.