I am brave.

I am brave.  Kind.  Compassionate.  I am growing.  I managed to do stuff with my son this weekend that didn't mean that I yelled back.  I'm learning calmness and peace.  I am learning to hear their frustration.  Even when it hurts.  I am learning to give them time.  To give guidance but also to wait.  I am learning to honor the journey of my children as their own unique journey that will look like nobody else's.  I am learning to let God guide them.  Personally.  To step back a little.  Not in love or support, but in the rest.  In letting them have choices and control.
Yet demanding respect.  To be a mom.  Not just a buddy.
And...I am brave because I am learning to tell people who push me...."no".  I can tell them that I can't do more or can't do it.
And I am brave because I can back out of things.  Like that class I knew was too much....I have decided to bail on it.  Too much other.
And I'm brave because I stayed at church instead of bolting when my ex sat in my row.
And I am brave because I seek joy.  And peace.  And happiness. And forgiveness.  And because I refuse to revel in bitterness.
I am brave because I don't just choose the easy way.
Because I pray and am carried.  I am fearless.  I stand up when I want to cower.  I stood in front of the church today waiting for my kids inside...and I STOOD...though I'd had a rough morning and would have felt better curled in a ball crying.  Really.
I am brave to reach out though none say "things would be better if you were here."  Or similar things.....
And I am brave because I am willing to sign for my son and his friends in their new living adventure.  I show trust.
I am brave.  Yes I am.
blessings.