Those Who Don't

I'm learning to cope with those who don't.  Don't smile.  Don't look at me.  Don't write me back.  Don't initiate contact anymore.  Don't follow through.  Don't want to stay.  And it's a process.
For instance, on facebook, there is someone that I'm friends with and have known for many years.  She is really kind.  Not judgmental.  Loving.  But she doesn't talk to me anymore.  She doesn't write back.  She doesn't answer.  It hurts.  And yet, it's just how it is.  I can't fix it.  I haven't talked with her about stuff.  My ex may have.  No idea...but, realistically, he probably has.  Still....nothing to do but to go through the ouchiness.
To feel shunned.  Pushed aside.  Labeled.  Deemed.  Scarlet letter. Marked.  Fallen.
And to learn that it's ok.
It really is.
It's ok to walk where others don't understand.
It's ok to be different.
It's ok to know what I need.  What I hope for.  For feeling relieved to simply breathe.
But I fall into guilt.
I wonder what awful thing I have done.
How could I be so much less than they?  I started out to serve the Lord.  To love Him.  Why am I such a failure?  My heart screams.  My soul rips apart.
And then I breathe.  And breathe again.  And spend time being thankful for breath.  And thinking.  And loving.  And...I remember how it used to be.  And I know that it's ok.  I'm ok.  Even if.  Even when there are those who don't.  And won't.  Ever.
blessings.