I Am Not A Human Doing

I do not define myself by what I do.  I define myself by the pleasure my life and my actions bring me...and others.  And by the impact for good.  I define myself by bringing beauty and clarity, help and kindness.  But it's not just in doing....hence.....the part of my mind that has been troubled by the idea of full time teaching.  Not because it isn't wonderful.  Not because I couldn't "do" good...but because I see other parts of me that I would have to give up by pursuing that lofty goal.  It is very consuming.
And I want to write.  And I want to paint and refinish furniture.  And I want to have a flexible schedule.  Have coffee with friends now and again.  I like teaching.  I don't like the parts that mean giving up my home life.
My other dreams.  Passions.  Hopes.
I am just beginning to remember the woman I was.
I want to rediscover photography.  And gardening.  And maybe even sleeping in sometimes.
I want to travel.  Even when it's not far.  I want to just sit.  And think.  Or doze.  Or visit.  Or just.......be.
But I'm gonna have to pay the bills.  Gonna have to get creative.  Gonna have to get busy.
Temp jobs.  Summer school.  Subbing.  Shows.  While I learn how to refine my skills.  There's a big world out there.  I am looking forward to it.
I love life.  Even in the midst of all of this crap.  I have choices.  I have hope.  And....I am forming plans.
I am a brave girl.  A spectacular woman.  With great heart.  And a brain that can do what it needs to do.  On we go....but wait, right after some rest time.  ;)
grace.