You know...those moments

Have you ever had those moments when you realize something that should be so obvious?  I realized today that I'm on my own.  Not regarding my husband....I realized already, earlier, that I was always on my own...if I needed something or was sick, it was a rarity for him to do whatever it was.  Even if he said he would.  So, that....that I'm used to.  But what I'm not used to is my friends being distant.  Not taking care.  Not reaching out.  It has been one long week.  But I had an aha moment and realized..."hey, this is just how it is."  The tears welled up....but then I realized that I'd be ok.  I was fried from the long wait at the docs.  Then at the pharmacy x2.  Now, on to get my son to a job interview and me to another doc.  I feel like I'm going to pass out.  Literally.  But this doc appt is important.  Gotta be sure to keep my vision and all.  So....I'll go.  Anyway....I did try to ask for help today.  Everyone says I don't, but I've been getting fairly good at it.  But you know what?  One of two things has happened.  Either my friends just can't be there in depth anymore or they just really don't hear how much I'm hurting.  Whichever....I just have to let it be.  However it is.  Each gets to choose.
Me?  I just need to sleep...but I got things to do and kids to take care or and take to school tomorrow.  This pain is harsh.  I declined the oxycodone or something stronger though until we see if something else works.  Because narcotics really affect me badly.  Can't function.  Can't think.
Ok.  off to the next set of duties.
grace.