I wrote the email in return. I'm not so sure how he will feel about it. I told him that I still have to think about the house and what to do. That constant communication about it seemed difficult at best. And, I said that I didn't understand why he used all of the tax return to pay off the one debt that he is responsible for. That I had offered the money for his deposits and to use as he needed to get a home started. That when he didn't need it, I should have gotten a fair share.
I said that we should go ahead and divide things up. And that maybe I would need the remaining money in an investment account to pay the taxes. That took a lot for me to say.
I mentioned that I have also had to pay off overdue bills on at least three accounts. And that he remains on the insurance and cell phone.
I asked him to let me know what he wants from all of those items he listed.
And tonight, I sat my kids down and did an exercise. We took a piece of paper and wrote about ourselves. Whatever we wanted...the paper was us. I used expensive stationary. Then we crumbled and wrinkled them. Then we tried to straighten them out again. They don't get pretty again. And I said that that is how it is when we tear each other down and don't help each other. That it leaves creases and hurts. And that no matter how much you say you're sorry to that paper, it won't get straight again. Once something hurts....it's there. Told them that I'm their mom. That we have bad habits that we are going to work on changing together.
Then we ate dinner together. Then we played cards. A little less hiding at a time. We're learning that it's safe...slowly.
My son told me that he had asked his dad if he had told their grandparents. Apparently he has. I told the kids that they could call any time at all. One said absolutely not. He was afraid if his grandmother got his cell phone number that she would make him feel guilty if he didn't call. I said that I'd do whatever it took so that they would feel comfortable. That I will make sure they get to enjoy the fact that they are loved by an extended family. That I will help make a great photo gift for their grandfather's 80th birthday. I need to do this well for them.
I also told them that I was in charge. That tone of voice, arguing and snottiness would not be allowed. But that I would be respectful. And that we would figure it out. I think that they needed to know that they didn't have to take care of me...that I'm able to be the mom.
All in all a good night. Then my one son wanted to go to DQ. My daughter says, "can't you see that mom is ready to pass out?" I really had been up too long with my illness. But, I laid down for about twenty minutes and then got up and took him. I mean, how many years left are there?A couple. So, gotta take advantage of time with him. Or any of them.
We are practicing. We are learning a new life. Bad habits. Not uplifting. Competitive. All trying to survive. Not what makes a good home. I've known that. I've tried to stave it off. I just couldn't. Now, I have to make up for lost time.
I'm weary. Shingles is really ucky. But, I'm getting better. Just still hurts.
grace.
I said that we should go ahead and divide things up. And that maybe I would need the remaining money in an investment account to pay the taxes. That took a lot for me to say.
I mentioned that I have also had to pay off overdue bills on at least three accounts. And that he remains on the insurance and cell phone.
I asked him to let me know what he wants from all of those items he listed.
And tonight, I sat my kids down and did an exercise. We took a piece of paper and wrote about ourselves. Whatever we wanted...the paper was us. I used expensive stationary. Then we crumbled and wrinkled them. Then we tried to straighten them out again. They don't get pretty again. And I said that that is how it is when we tear each other down and don't help each other. That it leaves creases and hurts. And that no matter how much you say you're sorry to that paper, it won't get straight again. Once something hurts....it's there. Told them that I'm their mom. That we have bad habits that we are going to work on changing together.
Then we ate dinner together. Then we played cards. A little less hiding at a time. We're learning that it's safe...slowly.
My son told me that he had asked his dad if he had told their grandparents. Apparently he has. I told the kids that they could call any time at all. One said absolutely not. He was afraid if his grandmother got his cell phone number that she would make him feel guilty if he didn't call. I said that I'd do whatever it took so that they would feel comfortable. That I will make sure they get to enjoy the fact that they are loved by an extended family. That I will help make a great photo gift for their grandfather's 80th birthday. I need to do this well for them.
I also told them that I was in charge. That tone of voice, arguing and snottiness would not be allowed. But that I would be respectful. And that we would figure it out. I think that they needed to know that they didn't have to take care of me...that I'm able to be the mom.
All in all a good night. Then my one son wanted to go to DQ. My daughter says, "can't you see that mom is ready to pass out?" I really had been up too long with my illness. But, I laid down for about twenty minutes and then got up and took him. I mean, how many years left are there?A couple. So, gotta take advantage of time with him. Or any of them.
We are practicing. We are learning a new life. Bad habits. Not uplifting. Competitive. All trying to survive. Not what makes a good home. I've known that. I've tried to stave it off. I just couldn't. Now, I have to make up for lost time.
I'm weary. Shingles is really ucky. But, I'm getting better. Just still hurts.
grace.
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