Frustrated

There's a kid in my life.  An adult in the making....but, still a kid.  Have loved him since he was an infant.  He has always been feisty and fun and loveable.  He stole my heart years ago.  And my prayers.  Turns out he has needed them.  He has had a rough life.  It used to be because of others.  Now it's because of him.  He is making choices that terrify me.  He is rocketing toward adulthood with addictive behaviors and an ability to schmooze and convince and sometimes outright lie.  He spins the truth.  He "forgets" conveniently.  And yet, I know that God has hold of him.  He won't hear wisdom from anyone.  He simply blows it off while acting like he has heard.  Most recently he told me that he can't wait to turn 18 because he was moving out with friends, going to be free to do everything and won't have to fear "military" school.  My heart is reeling.  He did go to a ranch to live for over a year. And the changes he made were drastic.  He was off of drugs.  Off of alcohol.  He was a much nicer person "clean".  He thought of others.  He helped his mom.  He cared about what he did and how he did it.  I remember first seeing the signs of going back to the other life.  And, I wasn't surprised.  Most addicts fall.  But, I have felt so very helpless.  I have watched him become sneakier and sneakier.  I have heard him talk about things that are terrifying.  Have heard him do so in front of his younger siblings.  It's almost like glorifying doing stupid things and then having drama...."oh, I had unprotected sex and now I need to have an AIDS test."  It hurts so much because his siblings so looked forward to his coming home and being someone to look up to and respect.  He's a wonderful young man, don't get me wrong.  But, he's an addict.  He behaves like an addict.  He uses drama and problems to deflect from the problem.  He is planning on quitting school as soon as he turns 18.  Though he had told me he was going to get an associates.  He goes places and hangs out with people who could really help him land in jail.  I'm not angry.  I am scared.  I am deeply....so deeply that I can't even put it to words....sad.  He nearly died once.  He always believes that he has it "all in control."  But he's only as in control as the person riding the horse on the carousel.  He's holding on, but he's not choosing the direction.  He's not choosing the pace.  And he's not choosing the music. 
He's so smart.  So witty.  So talented.  And defiant.  Afraid he's going to learn the hard way.  I thought that had already come.  Imagine my dismay that maybe that wasn't it.  Yet so much love.  Only God can do that.  But today, I am frustrated.  I wish he would open his eyes and see all of the wonderful choices that can be ahead of him. 
So, I leave him in the Hands of the only One who walks with him.  And.....amazingly, I know that that is enough.