I really could use another day...because now I am ready to write my book. I am going to write a fun, real, and insightful book. About the things of life that touch me deeply. That make me think. That make me...breathe...or not breathe. And, I can do it. And some parts might stink, but the great part about writing is that I can go back and edit.
I need to take this kind of time more, not less. Because it revives me so quickly. It's not that I am hateful or mean. It's just that I can only give so much. Even if I am relying on God, I am NOT God, as I have had to tell my husband over the years. Over and over. You don't lean on Him through me. You lean directly. Not saying that you don't carry those you love when necessary, but not for every little thing. The body needs to all be leaning on God and ALSO on each other. Not JUST on God or JUST on each other.
Gonna make lunch. And put together stuff. And enjoy the fact that I am LIVING. Going to celebrate it by DOING so.
About the job...not quite sure that I'm ready for it. Still trying to figure so much out. But I'm going t trust God with it since I applied for this job as a kind of "fleece" being thrown out there and seeing. Letting Him decide. Because He knows me better than I know myself.
So, I did forget to bring a comb or cute shoes in my rush to pack....sigh. However, that was pretty good considering the scxrutiny I was under while getting ready.
I'm going to go see my son and also take a day or two for just me. Go to the beach and walk and be still and write. Maybe that's why I'm not ready for a full time job? Perhaps. But, I am going to get back on the subbing routine. I need to. It was just hard. But, I hunkered down, and now I'll get up. I hid and now I'll be visible. Because I am NOT invisible. Though he truly makes me feel it. But, I am realizing that I can give him some grace about it....he can't help it if I'm not the woman who evokes deep love. He has stayed. He has worked. He has not beaten me. You see, there are good things. I just want....better things. Not a man. No goofy, not a woman either. Not a person...just peace. Just space to enjoy the blessings of and eventually I'll have my beach house. And, I'll travel. And, I will love those around me openly and without so much binding up my heart and soul. I want to be the woman who doesn't second guess. Who LIVES. When I die, I want people to know that I actually lived...loved...and made a difference in those few lives close to me.
grace to you.
I
I need to take this kind of time more, not less. Because it revives me so quickly. It's not that I am hateful or mean. It's just that I can only give so much. Even if I am relying on God, I am NOT God, as I have had to tell my husband over the years. Over and over. You don't lean on Him through me. You lean directly. Not saying that you don't carry those you love when necessary, but not for every little thing. The body needs to all be leaning on God and ALSO on each other. Not JUST on God or JUST on each other.
Gonna make lunch. And put together stuff. And enjoy the fact that I am LIVING. Going to celebrate it by DOING so.
About the job...not quite sure that I'm ready for it. Still trying to figure so much out. But I'm going t trust God with it since I applied for this job as a kind of "fleece" being thrown out there and seeing. Letting Him decide. Because He knows me better than I know myself.
So, I did forget to bring a comb or cute shoes in my rush to pack....sigh. However, that was pretty good considering the scxrutiny I was under while getting ready.
I'm going to go see my son and also take a day or two for just me. Go to the beach and walk and be still and write. Maybe that's why I'm not ready for a full time job? Perhaps. But, I am going to get back on the subbing routine. I need to. It was just hard. But, I hunkered down, and now I'll get up. I hid and now I'll be visible. Because I am NOT invisible. Though he truly makes me feel it. But, I am realizing that I can give him some grace about it....he can't help it if I'm not the woman who evokes deep love. He has stayed. He has worked. He has not beaten me. You see, there are good things. I just want....better things. Not a man. No goofy, not a woman either. Not a person...just peace. Just space to enjoy the blessings of and eventually I'll have my beach house. And, I'll travel. And, I will love those around me openly and without so much binding up my heart and soul. I want to be the woman who doesn't second guess. Who LIVES. When I die, I want people to know that I actually lived...loved...and made a difference in those few lives close to me.
grace to you.
I
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