Hard and Fast

Sometimes the world comes at you hard and fast.  Like the waves on a stormy day.  Hardly time for a breath before another one rolls in and over  And, if you aren't firmly planted, you can totally be washed away.  Carried under.  Tossed around.  Helpless.  And, even if you aren't washed away, simply breathing becomes difficult.  Fear can set in.  Peace can flee.  Hope can diminish.  But he who trusts in the Lord shall renew his strength.....and that is where I am in life.  I trust Him.  With everything.  And He doesn't mind my doubt or questions.  He doesn't hold my pain or impatience against me.  He knows me.  He knows what it feels like to hurt.  To mourn.  To see people that you love hurting.  And, He weeps with me.  And He sits beside me during the long nights.  I am so thankful for that.  For His constant presence.  Because things have been coming hard and fast.  And I don't even understand half of them.  Today is a weird marriage day.  And it's hard for so many other reasons.  I need a couple of days off of work to do what I did today.  I need healing time.  Wonder if I have the guts to do it.  Or, will I "perform" and show up and please?  I'm not sure.  But tomorrow I want to be there to pick my kids up from school.  Cross country got cancelled so they are out early.  And tomorrow night is a band night.  I want to give them a bit of time at home.  I want to meet their needs.  And mine.  Time will tell.  But, this I know....I am not alone.  And, I am accepted.  I have to keep reminding myself to hear His voice.  To listen to what He has to say about me.  And to learn to filter the rest through His grace. 
And, I'm also learning......He gives rest to His beloved.  And I am her.  Love that.  Need true rest.  My nights have been very long on prayer and very short on sleep and I am totally tired.  Really tired.  But sometimes, being awake in those dark hours and praying is what gets someone else through.  I know my grandpa prayed for me like that.  So, I will give it as a sacrificial gift as those who have need cross my path. 
Tired.  Weary.  But not without hope.  Not alone.  Not overwhelmed.  Filled.  Able.  Courageous. 
grace to you.