dear church people,
just because you see my ex there every sunday and rarely see me at all, don't assume that i have become a non believer. just because you see my ex out with our one son once a week, don't assume that he is parenting. just because he doesn't have parenting time, don't assume that i took it from him. just because i got divorced, don't assume that i am loved less by god. and don't assume that i did it for selfish or sinful reasons. and i do notice when you look the other way. walk the other way. i do notice how the very few of you that said that i am so important and to please reconsider my decision...have never contacted me again. don't think that because someone teaches sunday school and sings in choir that you know them. and certainly don't judge their parenting by how often you see them out in public with their children.
you know, i walked into your building today. and for the first time ever, i didn't feel the huge and overwhelming urge to cry. to weep because my friends...people i've loved and invested in....have turned away because i did something they don't agree with. and yet.....my ex is welcomed. i was ok. and i realized that the grief is passing. that though you have been a part of my life and though i miss you still, i'm not willing to play the game. i am not willing to try to convince you to give me the benefit of the doubt. which, you most assuredly have not.
i have been on my own for over a year and a half. i have been contacted by two to tell me i needed to "straighten up" and get back in god's will. i have been asked to give the reason/s for my choice. but i have not been offered comfort. nor kindness. nor help. nobody brought meals. nor helped me shovel snow. nor clean my house when i had to work and get ready for a graduation party. none of you were there to comfort my kids. you see them. you assume things. but you have no idea what they have lived through. you don't know that trying to keep things looking normal nearly destroyed us. and you don't know how truly amazing they are. they don't air their dirty laundry. they don't use it as an excuse.
my dear church people. i miss you. but i probably won't be coming back because it's too hard facing the apathy, the meanness, the judgement, the assumptions.
i get that i failed. truly, i do.
and i get that my being happy now rubs you the wrong way. but, i am.
so, i'll miss you. but what has been sad? you haven't missed me at all.
blessings.
just because you see my ex there every sunday and rarely see me at all, don't assume that i have become a non believer. just because you see my ex out with our one son once a week, don't assume that he is parenting. just because he doesn't have parenting time, don't assume that i took it from him. just because i got divorced, don't assume that i am loved less by god. and don't assume that i did it for selfish or sinful reasons. and i do notice when you look the other way. walk the other way. i do notice how the very few of you that said that i am so important and to please reconsider my decision...have never contacted me again. don't think that because someone teaches sunday school and sings in choir that you know them. and certainly don't judge their parenting by how often you see them out in public with their children.
you know, i walked into your building today. and for the first time ever, i didn't feel the huge and overwhelming urge to cry. to weep because my friends...people i've loved and invested in....have turned away because i did something they don't agree with. and yet.....my ex is welcomed. i was ok. and i realized that the grief is passing. that though you have been a part of my life and though i miss you still, i'm not willing to play the game. i am not willing to try to convince you to give me the benefit of the doubt. which, you most assuredly have not.
i have been on my own for over a year and a half. i have been contacted by two to tell me i needed to "straighten up" and get back in god's will. i have been asked to give the reason/s for my choice. but i have not been offered comfort. nor kindness. nor help. nobody brought meals. nor helped me shovel snow. nor clean my house when i had to work and get ready for a graduation party. none of you were there to comfort my kids. you see them. you assume things. but you have no idea what they have lived through. you don't know that trying to keep things looking normal nearly destroyed us. and you don't know how truly amazing they are. they don't air their dirty laundry. they don't use it as an excuse.
my dear church people. i miss you. but i probably won't be coming back because it's too hard facing the apathy, the meanness, the judgement, the assumptions.
i get that i failed. truly, i do.
and i get that my being happy now rubs you the wrong way. but, i am.
so, i'll miss you. but what has been sad? you haven't missed me at all.
blessings.
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