parenting better

i have been a lazy parent.
granted, i have had some stuff to deal with, but nonetheless, i owe them more than that.  i owe them a routine.  i owe them good habits.  i owe them teaching.  i did it with my olders.  my middle one got a bit lost in the crisis times.  but, it's not too late to start again.  to do better.
i have not given enough thought to the teaching.  to the chores.  to the making sure that i meet MY responsibilities for things like meals and having a plan and a schedule.
i pray.  we have muddled through at times.
it's not that we're not ok.
i want better.
i want to be a parent that is worthy of the amazing kids i've been blessed to have.
so.  i spent my day trying to get things in order.  as a matter of fact, i spent the many last weeks of summer doing so.
we are going to begin anew.
i am going to rest more than i used to...because i need it.
but, i am also going to be more purposeful and gently leading.  guiding.
i pray for the grace to lead them not to religion.  the grace to see the living god.  in his holiness and majesty.  in his completeness.  not in a punishment mode of "you better get into his word."  but in a guiding mode that shows that he will meet you anywhere.  that he hears every prayer.  that he longs to be daddy.
a real daddy.
always proud of them.
always willing to lead and hold.
always willing to pick up.
i want to parent like he parents me.
with joy.
and peace.
and kindness.
but....not with no expectations or hopes.  high expectations.  with an open heart to hearing their dreams.
i don't want to warehouse or showcase or manage.....i want to parent.