Don't Call Us. We'll Call You.

Been thinking about relationships and how they work.  Or don't work.  Or work in some funky, nearly non-understandable way. 
My family was screwed up since....my earliest memories.  And yet, in some very deep ways, I can say that there was love.  Looking now, I think maybe I understand it a little better.
On my father's side, my grandfather was mean.  Abusive too.  But, just mean spirited.  He was mean to my grandma for years.  She left once, only to return because she had two children and back then, what could a woman who had dropped out of high school do to support herself and two kids?  She had one more child.  Lived her life with her husband until he died rather suddenly.  Now, I realize that there family dynamic became her/the kids and him.  He hated my father.  Called him good for nothing...and worse.  Well, I got thrown into that mix during fourth grade.  I actually missed a good part of a school year with the move....going from a regular school to a year round.  But, being my father's daughter was enough to make me a target.  But, my grandma was kind.  And those years have some good memories.  She taught me to sew.  She was kind.  We lived in a tiny two bedroom apartment.  And though she was kind, she didn't really protect.  Now, I know that she was too weary herself.  But, I thought that she loved me.  Eventually, the battling between my father and grandfather made staying there too hard.  I went to an unofficial foster family.  There I stayed until I graduated.  Went to college.  Never went back to either of those places to live again.  Got married.  And I thought, really thought, that I was important to my grandma.  I still think that maybe I am, but here's the thing.  In over five years....much longer, really.....she has never once called me.  I have called her.  Though, it's less and less over time.  It's not long distance.  My phone numbers haven't changed.  And I just realized that this year I finally didn't call her for her birthday.  I used to stop by her apartment if I was in the area.  Quit doing that after I realized how many times she comes to my town and had never said anything.  At least once a month.  Eventually, calls got further apart.  With her never calling me.  And now, I realize that slowly, I had to let go of someone I thought loved me.  She's not a bad lady.  She's just focused on her second oldest son that she feels a need to please because he does a lot for her.  So she doesn't want him to feel like she has something good or more with anyone else. 
It's not bad.  I'm ok with it.  It is simply that I was realizing that if a relationship has to be all one sided then it is doomed.  Except for with God.  My relationship with Him is totally lopsided...with Him giving and giving and giving.  But, eventually, in human relationships, if there isn't back and forth, isn't giving and taking,  isn't calling and being called....then, eventually, the time passes and the relationship fades away. 
Explaining a lot to me about life and how important it is to be a giver AND a receiver.  And why my marriage could go for so long....but not forever. 
Friends.  Family.  Doesn't matter.....it only works if both sides are vested in making it work.  Otherwise, it's like putting water in a holey bucket. 
grace to you.