Wisdom of the Tube

 "I assure you that if I knew how to convey how I feel, I would.  It seems to make other people's lives much easier," Dr. Constance Brennan from Bones.
I relate to this.  If I could convey to those around me the depth and breadth of my caring, I would.  It does make others' lives easier.  I see it. 
But, don't think that I walk without relationship.  I do not.  Because though I do not know excel expressing my care.  Though many often assume that I am callous.  I am surrounded by those kind and glorious souls who look deeper.  Who help to put words to my feelings.  The friends who put meaning to my actions and thoughts without assuming that I am unkind, callous or mean. 
Because of having this in my life, it made me try to do the same for my husband.  It's a kind action.  It helps.  Unless the underlying good intention is not there.  And it was very hard for me to come to the point of realizing that.  That for him, it's good to be stingy.  To hold back.  To hold things over others.  To him, it's not about not being able to express something deeper or kinder....it's about not having something more to say or show.  That hit me like a fast pitch softball.  With the same amount of surprise too.  When he told me that he DOES think he's better, I realized that all of the trying to help express his love and care for me and the children doesn't work when he simply really loves himself and it committed to us as an example of how good he is.  It's only a little piece of the whole big picture, but this little piece offers me insight and peace.  That I am not giving up on him, I'm giving myself a chance. 
Sometimes you get the greatest insight from the strangest places.
grace to you.