History. Future.

Maybe it's the not feeling too well.  I'll tell you, working with so many different classes is exposing me to each and every little variety of virus.  Feel like I'm constantly battling a cold or a flu.  It'll settle down.  It does with teachers.  But, today, my tummy is not so good.  Hey, but I still went to work.  Of course, then I fed my kids Taco Bell....can't do everything.
But, I keep thinking about the people who say "go back to the beginning, look at the pictures, re-create how it once was."  If the "once was" was based on fact. then perhaps that works.  But I look back, and while I appreciate some aspects of our history, it's nothing that I want to repeat.  Nor re-create.  Having history doesn't automatically give way to having future.  Though, it is a pleasant thing to be with those with whom we have history....to some degree. 
I am not opposed to recognizing the good....having kids being the main thing.  But, basing the next forty years on what happened before seems silly.  Especially since it was a bad foundation.  So, I sought to build a new foundation.  Strengthen what was in the NOW.  He was never interested.  Past hurts are to be forgotten.  Never thought about again.  But if they are a pattern.  A lifestyle.  It's a little difficult to "forget". 
I'm learning how the past, present and future all hold a part of us.  The future is what we long for, hope for, dream about.  The present is where we build toward those hopes and dreams.  And the past...it is the foundation....and if it's rotted or shaky, it has to be taken down and built again.  Or bulldozed to create the way for something new. 
I tried the first way...to build something strong and real.  Now, I see that one person does not a relationship make.  History doesn't mean future.  But it does affect the future.  So, since I can't affect the past, I have to build correctly in the present...so that when it becomes history, it's worth continuing to build on.
This swaying, shaking, trembling foundation is sad.  Condemned.  Not safe.  I've put up the notices.  Boarded up the windows.  Time to have it taken down.
grace to you