And....he took it.

I was here dozing...translate that as dead asleep....when I got a text from a kid asking me to get her pizza when I pick her and my daughter up from babysitting.  And, suddenly I laughed.  I had forgotten. This morning, I left a quart ziploc full of change for my husband because he was going to be short on what he needed in the bank...and I also gave my 20 dollar birthday check....and, when I was thinking that I didn't really have money to buy pizza for the girls, I realized that HE TOOK IT!!! He complained about it not being enough.  He gave me a hard time.  But, he took it.  Wow.  I don't know why it's striking me so funny, but it is.  Maybe because he tries some ploy to get me to give him what is in my bank every month....and this month he got what was in my bank, but it wasn't the kind of bank he thought.  Hahahaha.  Hey, I gave him all I had.  Ok, I have twenty bucks left in the "real" bank....but I can't have nothing in it or I won't have an account at all.
Oh my goodness.  It's just amusing.
I have a hard time reconciling his nice act with how he treats me.  But, today, when I was reflecting on how well he treats some other people, I remembered how a friend's husband used to treat me nicely...but, it was probably just to use, not to really be my friend.  And how my husband uses being nice to my friends to keep up his image.  To keep them "on his side".  Besides for the fact that perhaps he likes some of them better than he likes me.  Don't blame him.  I pick good friends.  Thing is...they're just that....good friends.  Real.  And yet, he'd do "anything" for them.  But never for me.  Never for our kids.
He was irritated with me today that I sent our college son a package...wanted to know what I put in it.  Second inquisition of the day.  Then.....after making me feel like garbage......said I should have told him because he kept our son's keys by accident.  So, why haven't YOU mailed them?  He got the address labels that the college gives...which my son asked him to give me.  I never saw them, so my son just gave me the box number.  But, the strangest part?  I had been announcing around the house for several days that I was going to be sending a box and anyone who wanted should put a letter or whatever in the pile on the back of the chair.  He even looked through the pile of stuff one day.....I don't know, sometimes it just feels crazy.  Like he looks for ways to be nice to other people and ways to bully me.  I mean, really?  Bullying over a package sent to a college freshman?
And he took the money in my piggy bank.  Laughing all over again.  It's money that my kids and I save.  I was thinking of using it to go visit my son.  But, the kids said we could use it for next year's vacation.  I haven't told them that he put it in the general fund.  Maybe I can replace it next month.  I'll try.
He went to work this afternoon.  Kept glancing at his watch.  Kinda funny.  Acts like it might be a problem.  Nope.  Don't care.  Go for it.  Pretending to go to work but not.  Still.  Go for it.  Harsh, but true.  not interested in any more hurt.  Not interested in anymore bullying.  Not interested in anymore guilting.  I'm done with all of it.  Makes me kinda callous...but I'm sure that those feelings will smooth over after I finally begin to get that I really CAN choose and be free from the husband induced pain....emotional and physical.  Yep.  I can choose.
I choose happy.  I choose peace.  I choose people who are not buttheads to me.  Who......actually like me?  I know, isn't that an amazing idea?  I know it's why he wants to keep my friend's close.  So that they will choose him.  Look at how nice he is.  And, he's handsome enough too.  Not drop dead gorgeous.  But tall.  Nice looking.  He knows it.  Yet another reason why I didn't "deserve" him.  Snort.  I certainly didn't....I just didn't understand why.
And I'm wondering....do I need to send a thank you card to his parents for the birthday money?
grace to you.