When Alone

I am trying to find the way to share.  But trying to find the way to remain silent.  Trying.  Not very successfully.  I sometimes think that I can talk.  But, I find that it's too hard.  Too hard to do so.  Not knowing how or what is ok to say.  Not knowing how it will be received.  Not wanting to share things that make others uncomfortable.  Yet, today, when the confusion and pain and reopening of wounds occurred...I wanted to share.  I wanted to open my heart.  But, I found it impossible.  Perhaps I have lost the way?  I am not sure.  I know that working on a good project helped my soul, but my concern is for my future.  Have I lost the ability, the privilege, the place to share what is real and deep and painful in my life?  Will it return?  I am not sure. Maybe it is simply selfish.  Maybe.....maybe so many things.
All I know is that when alone the only thing to do to keep on breathing.  Keep on hoping.  And try to get over the feeling that it all could have been so different.  What happened to me?  And why?  I keep wondering....what is wrong with me that he would continue such behavior?  I know that I should be asking what is wrong with him...but, I have a hard time. 
So, today was good.  And hard.  Painful.  And fulfilling.  Life is strange.  Life is......full.
grace to you.