Sweet Words. And Poison.

You know, I've heard that poison put in something sweet can be administered skillfully over years....or months or whatever.  What interesting, is that it's true of words too.  He can use words that seem like they are "sweet", but they are laced with bitterness and meanness.  And, over time, they are toxic.  The email barrage has begun.  And his troubles are to be mine.....what he needs....what needs to be done....could I possibly get him (insert list).
Could he take the family photos since I don't seem to value them.  On and on.  Pans.  Dishes.  Sheets.  Towels.  Now he wants a little painted desk .  The dresser that will be a pain to empty.  Oh, and have I figured out yet if we have a twin bed?  Yikes.  Really?  I have answered the question several times.
He's going to have to tell his parents.  He is worried how this is going to affect people close to us.  Then there's a little aside that he knows that he did this....bbbbuuuuutttt.......and the thing is that someone is working with him to take responsibility.  And I appreciate that.  However, his deciding to do that at this moment does not negate nor make all ok.  As a matter of fact, his using it to guilt and to try to change what is happening makes me crazy.  Because it is like children behave when they want something.
I'm supposed to be off today to get all of this stuff ready.  I don't want to do it in front of the kids.  I did "win" the battle that they should not be expected to help him move out.  Although, he went for it again last night.  NO.  That doesn't work.  No.  It's not good for the kids.  No.  How many ways do I have to say it?  He does not hear me...or listen to me...even when he's reading it.  But he uses conciliatory sounding words mixed in.  The emails are like slaps.  I wish that he would have moved out when I asked.  To someone's house.  To a cheap motel.  Anything.  If he had done anything towards actually righting what he says he has done wrong. But he doesn't. He just says it so that he can hope that it will make me change my mind.  That I will see how this hurts him.
The problem is.......I DO.  And it hurts.  But I can't simply put aside every need, hope, dream and feeling that I have anymore. I need to breathe.  And I shouldn't have to negotiate about that.  It should be a given.  But if I give one little thing to him...he demands more and more and more.  It's so hard.  He thanked me for calling him yesterday....it was about the damn chickens that now have two offspring.  I don't know how we are supposed to care for them.  He just assumes that we will handle it.  And I won't be the bad guy to the kids and say, "I'm getting rid of your dad's chickens."  But I feel badly because he wants them to take care of the dumb things.  When they told him specifically that they didn't want chickens again.
Too much hard stuff.  And it would be easier if he didn't lace sweet words with poison.  Because then it wouldn't make me so crazy.  He knows how to pull at my heart.  But he doesn't bother to know how to fill it. He knows how to get what he wants by using my "kind heart", but he doesn't regard it as a problem to use the heart and not cherish it.  He apologizes to get me back in line.  But his behavior indicates that he still believes it's my fault.  He lies to me about things he thinks that I don't know about...like money.  And makes it seem like he is being overly generous.
And what he doesn't get is that paying to have him go and stop hurting me would be a good deal for me.  He can take the money.He can leave me poor.  The thing is....I'd be getting a good deal.
He's a meanie head.