good girl

talk about life and beliefs being turned upside down.  i lived most of my life trying to grow into a "good girl."  not that i was a bad kid, but i did have ideas.  and opinions.  and dreams.  i did have a "get outta my way, i'm going somewhere" attitude.  but, after marriage, as i felt that good christian girls should do....i toned down, i tried to change, i prayed to be more compliant, more submissive, kinder, more selfless, to give more, to be forgiving and understanding.  they all seem like good things.  and maybe they could have been.  however, the man that i attached myself to, did not honor those things and give back dignity and strength...he just kept stripping more and more away.  he kept thinking that i should fix more and more.  that i should carry more and more.  that i should forgive more and more.  that nothing was ever enough.  because he saw who i was perhaps.  and knew that i longed to please god.  to make things work.  and that i was....a good girl.  i didn't cuss til the end.  i didn't tell him to f*** off ever.  maybe i should have.  cuz that man needs a reality check.
i am all about teaching my daughter a different way to submit.  yes, as christians we submit to one another in love.  but we aren't door mats and we aren't to be used.  there are time that we just....walk away.  or throw a fit.  but we don't have to stuff it inside when we are continually wronged.
good girl.  not anymore!