Unfolding

I feel like a flower.  Unfolding.  Slowly.  Revealing parts that have been hidden.  Sensing a growing beauty and confidence.  A deep peace and satisfaction.  I struggle with it not being "time".  As if I haven't been devastated for long enough.  Haven't punished myself enough.  But then I remind myself...it's not as if I'm going out and being wild, having sex, partying, being crazy...I'm only just allowing myself to breathe and enjoy peace.  It's ok to enjoy life.  To sense who I am supposed to be and live that way.

There's really no rush.  But, I don't have to delay either.  I have no good reason to stay tightly wrapped.  God has been waiting for a long time to help me to blossom.  To become the woman that He made me to be.

He does not view it as piety to stay closed up.  To be constantly guilty or sad.  He gifts me with peace and love and joy.  He doesn't expect me to waste them.  Not anymore than He wants for flowers to stay in the bud stage.  On the other hand, He isn't rushing me.  I don't have to go from bud to bloom overnight.  It will take time.

But in His time...and as I am able...He is opening up a perky, flower...one of a kind.  With all kind of surprises inside.  It has been fun to explore a little bit who I am becoming.  I'm learning to feel more confident.  To find a sense of inner beauty. To enjoy being free.  Though some would prefer if my "flower" appeared wilted and shriveled.  Head bowed.

Hopeless.  Wishing.  Longing for the past.  Looking to my ex for hope.  Looking to be reunited.  Praying to be together again.  Yes, sadly, many people are more comfortable if I am miserable.

Lifeless.  Sad.  A victim.  Yes, that makes people more comfortable.  Because that must mean that I understand how wrong what I've done is.  But.....

I was made to bloom.  So were you.  To open up.  A layer at a time.  To risk.  To bask in the sun.  To soak up the rain.  To leave a sweet fragrance with those who visit.  To cast off the things that so easy entangle.  To be open to the One who cares enough to bring the dead back to life.  Not just barely making it...like some of the plants that I try to nurture along in my house.  But to THRIVE.

To share with everyone around.  To be a part of something that draws the eye.  That is spectacularly wonderful and leads others to look to the One that brings real joy.  Real life.  Real peace.  To hang out with others that are choosing to bloom too.......

Creating beauty.  Bounty.  Fun.  Help.  Generosity.  Growth.  Kindness.  

And today, I was wondering...why would I want to hold back?  Why would I want to live under the cloud? Why in the world would I try to stay beaten down...like flowers after a hailstorm?

No, I desire to bring Him glory.  In all things.  To let Him be enough.  To let Him shine.  Brightly.  Stunningly.  Because the storm didn't end me.  And that demands gratitude.  And pleasure.  And giddiness.  It demands greatness.  Not just status quo.  I want to bring Him glory.  To allow His power to shine through my huge weakness.  Every day.  Every season.  I want to BLOOM!

I'm unfolding.  Slowly.  But consistently.

And a new time is coming.....

One life touches another.  And another.  And another.  There's no time to waste.  The garden of life needs us all.  blessings to you my dears.  many many blessing.  and prayers for your sweet, hurting hearts.  and for mine too. with grace.