The grief of divorce comes in waves. Acceptance comes in layers. And, I hope, eventually, it is a done deal. But, my guess is not. Because grief is a constant process. Like forgiveness. Like.....life.
I am finding that I have to live. Put out there where I am. I am finding that I don't need to explain myself to everyone. Some people will get it and some people won't get it. Some people aren't going to like me, respect me nor support me. Poor me. ;) I'm just going to have to get over it and get on with it in my life. I like to make people understand. I value communicating. How is it that in this super important time of my life that I just find that it's impossible?
People do not want to hear that I've made a decision. That they don't get a say in my decision. People who have had no input nor part in my life....except for occasionally on the sidelines....feel a deep seated need to tell me what I am allowed and not allowed. I've been encouraged to honor Jesus instead of pursuing this choice that I've made. I've been told that I can't begin to understand the suffering that God might expect or require. And maybe it's all true. I am not an exceptionally godly person. I love God. I know that He loves me. I kind of like the simplicity. I don't assume that I understand everything about Him. I guess that others know more. Really, I don't want to argue about what God wants or what God says. Who can speak for Him? I am not prophet. For every verse one person finds, another can find something different. All I'm trusting is that He is with me in the here and now and that He does not desire for me to be treated so poorly. That there are consequences for treating someone badly.
I grieve. I accept. I repeat it. Over and over. But I don't give up. I don't believe that me going back to my husband is what God has planned. My ex has some things to grieve about and learn too.
This has been an interesting week. A little overwhelming. And yet...a marvel to me...as I see how God strengthens me. Though, some say that is the devil is in it. That I am following his lead instead of Gods. That seemed a little harsh. How do they say that it is me that is doing so and not them? That the sitting in judgement isn't the wrong? But, right away, she covered that base by saying that God uses harsh words as did Jesus. That "faithful are the wounds of a friend." I have friends. And when they speak truth to me...it is faithful. It is without agenda. It is pure and it is with kindness at the heart. Though not always what I want to hear.
Yes, a strange but beautiful week. I love my word. Fearless. Slowly...unfolding.
blessings.
I am finding that I have to live. Put out there where I am. I am finding that I don't need to explain myself to everyone. Some people will get it and some people won't get it. Some people aren't going to like me, respect me nor support me. Poor me. ;) I'm just going to have to get over it and get on with it in my life. I like to make people understand. I value communicating. How is it that in this super important time of my life that I just find that it's impossible?
People do not want to hear that I've made a decision. That they don't get a say in my decision. People who have had no input nor part in my life....except for occasionally on the sidelines....feel a deep seated need to tell me what I am allowed and not allowed. I've been encouraged to honor Jesus instead of pursuing this choice that I've made. I've been told that I can't begin to understand the suffering that God might expect or require. And maybe it's all true. I am not an exceptionally godly person. I love God. I know that He loves me. I kind of like the simplicity. I don't assume that I understand everything about Him. I guess that others know more. Really, I don't want to argue about what God wants or what God says. Who can speak for Him? I am not prophet. For every verse one person finds, another can find something different. All I'm trusting is that He is with me in the here and now and that He does not desire for me to be treated so poorly. That there are consequences for treating someone badly.
I grieve. I accept. I repeat it. Over and over. But I don't give up. I don't believe that me going back to my husband is what God has planned. My ex has some things to grieve about and learn too.
This has been an interesting week. A little overwhelming. And yet...a marvel to me...as I see how God strengthens me. Though, some say that is the devil is in it. That I am following his lead instead of Gods. That seemed a little harsh. How do they say that it is me that is doing so and not them? That the sitting in judgement isn't the wrong? But, right away, she covered that base by saying that God uses harsh words as did Jesus. That "faithful are the wounds of a friend." I have friends. And when they speak truth to me...it is faithful. It is without agenda. It is pure and it is with kindness at the heart. Though not always what I want to hear.
Yes, a strange but beautiful week. I love my word. Fearless. Slowly...unfolding.
blessings.
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