meltdown

don't know what it is.  i think a lot of it is the drama that i have nobody to talk to about.  but i lost it in the car and bawled.  so much to do and nobody gets that it takes more than a day.  and i don't have it in me to ask or navigate or try to make it how everyone else is doing it.  my daughter worked for someone today.  got forty bucks.  and taken out for food.  and had a wonderful bfast made for her.
pretty much feeling lame at the moment.  but i will get up in a few moments and do it again.  i don't need to compete.  i just need to make this a place that is comfortable and welcoming.  it's not about being martha stewart.  yet, everytime i talk to people, i feel so....incompetent.
i want my son to have fun at his party.  i want the kitchen and bathroom to be clean.  clean.  like...sanitary....not just picked up.  i did it a few weeks ago for my daughter.  and it's gross again.  and having a kid do it means it is picked up but not clean.  i just need to keep getting things done.
i'm feeling stressed because i have to work all week.  senior night is friday night.  bright and early saturday, it's off to the school for a breakfast and then graduation.  i thought that i would do more today and i did not.  now i need to get on it.  post haste.
so instead of sitting here writing and holding back the tears....i'll just work.  much better idea.
blessings.