The Good with the Bad

I had a really nice day.  A great Mother's Day.  Yet, there was this cloud with my eldest.  He was on his first day of stopping smoking pot...again.  And he was in a foul mood.  And he was needy.  And he had bad news.  And he hates his job.  And he wanted to be the center.  And....it was draining. He has a disease called

Cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome

and it is going to kill him if he doesn't stop smoking pot.  He has too little body fat to absorb the cannabis.  It attacks the liver and other organs.  He is sick all of the time.  He is drinking now instead.

The drama.  It's hard on me.  I know that it's hard on him and yet, this is all his choice.  He has chosen to continually go back.  He has chosen not to get help.  He chooses.  And then wants attention for the consequences.  I'd rather give him attention for other reasons.  He has many reasons to give him attention, but trying to isolate me on Mother's Day...well, it didn't feel right.   It kind of shut me down.   That, and I am getting a cold or something.  We were here a few months ago.  I told him he had to get help.  He made up reasons why he didn't and why it wouldn't work.

Now his family has to suffer his withdrawal.  Again.

And he doesn't want to stop.  Even if it kills him.

The self centeredness of it all is appalling to me.  

Weary.  of.  being put.  in awkward positions.

And he kicked the kids out of the kitchen so that he could have it to himself.  Then complained when they weren't doing the parts he wasn't doing.  It was stressful like when my ex was around.  Trying to keep him happy.  

He's also sleep deprived because of his job.  

He needs help.  But I'm not it.  He needs a sponsor.  Not a mommy.  

Ok, there's my barfing out the bad part of the day.

The rest was splendiforous.

My graduating senior gave me a shout out during senior recognition at church.  And he managed not to say anything bad about his dad.  All in all, I'm pretty happy.

My daughter posted how I make her laugh that I'm her bestest bestest friend.  

The kids took great photos together.  Really funny.  The boys held signs that read "don't mess with her!" and my daughter sat in a chair looking like a princess.  Pretty awesome.

We went to a friend's house.  My bestie.  And between the two of us, all of our kids but one were there.  Pretty amazing since there are nine.  

I am blessed.  Abundantly.  

And about the other....I have to figure out boundaries that won't hurt his feelings too much.  Somehow.  

blessings.