party

today was the graduation party for my third son.  i have had two other graduation parties.  and they were considered a success by the number of people and the food etc.  But they almost killed me.  My ex.  My in laws.  It was always the most grueling form of stress.  horrid, actually.  i did it for my kids.  and i just thought that's how it was.  just thought that's how it felt.  that the sacrifice was feeling totally devastated.  and then.....i had this party.  and i am totally exhausted.  worked really hard.  but...somehow...it was just such a good and nice day.  people were nice.  nobody yelled at me or wasn't speaking to me because i wasn't doing it right.  my mother in law made the other two nearly impossible.  the belittling.  the meanness.  i was so used to it in many ways.  though i still dreaded it.  and to think that my ex did nothing about it.......how sad is that?
i was so proud of my son.  how grown up he looks.  he was such a nice host.  and a good sport in the dunk tank.
it was an amazingly long day.  following an amazingly busy and long week.  but i am content.  people came.  my son was relieved.  some people didn't come...noticably....but, hey, that's just how things are.  oh well.  hopefully my son didn't notice.
a satisfying day.  not the best party ever given.  but nice. i am not exactly a chatter.  that part is killer.  i prefer to lead people to each other and let them chat.  that works for me.  most of the time they don't even notice.
today worked somehow....in  a deeply satisfying way.  thank you, god.
blessings