rainy days

i love rainy days.  i find them...peaceful.  but i also like getting stuff done on rainy days.  it feels good.  i have laundry in.  have worked in my kitchen a bit.  german pancakes cooking.  my oh my, i'm hungry.  i like the feeling of being genuinely hungry and not eating for the hell of it or eating to fill the void.
i am done fussing over my ex.  i survived graduation.  i am a survivor.  no matter if anyone understands, even if i don't understand....getting away from him was imperative.  he was toxic to my soul.  to spiritual growth.  to love.  to kindness. to compassion.  he took all i had and used it but didn't appreciate it or revel in it.  i am learning the difference.  i am choosing more wisely who to be close to.  and who to let close to me.  i am more open and silly with people....even at work.  yet.....there is a cautious aspect too.  i don't want pretend. i don't want to be used anymore.  i just want to be friendly.  kind.  genuine.  but if someone can't just take that, then i don't want to stick around and keep trying to do better.  to be more.  to be....whatever it is that they think i should do or be in order to be right to be friends with them.
i'm just me.  reflective.  introspective.  silly  courageous.  scared spitless.  adventurous.  calm.  quiet.  rambunctious.  i am a whole stew of opposites.  me.  full of wonder and surprises.  easily amused.  or amazed.  easily pleased.  quick to choose laughter.  a heart that breaks easily.  much more easily than people see.
it's a rainy day.  but the sun has peeked through.  i have cleaned some.  cooked some.  thought some.  played some.  i like to putter around doing what strikes my fancy.