I don't enjoy negative. I like hope. I like positive. I like encouragement. I like seeing good. Pleasant.
But I have been struggling. I am a drain to those around me. I don't like it. Not one bit. I'm just....working through. Trying to figure it all out. Trying to still grow. Still learn.
I'm trying. Praying. Hoping. But way too often, the yucky seeps through. I gripe and complain to those close to me. I don't like it. Nope. Not at all.
It's not who I want to become.
But...I AM angry about things that he has done. Things that he is doing. He is hurtful. He has harmed our children. And yet, I am wounded because onlookers look at me as the bad guy. Because I divorced him. Ha. I did do that. And I am thankful that I finally parted. But do you know that every time I have tried for any kind of boundaries he has dishonored it? No? Neither do they. Those ones who are tsk tsking about me are unaware of so much.
And my son wounded me. Because he uses. Because he put me front and center for what's wrong in his life.
But, with my friends and those who care....who are real...who love me...I want to get on with being who I want to be.
I don't want the jackass disease to consume me. Yet, I do have to get it out. The truth. The reality. Not what others want to believe.
You know, I guess it will all just have to be balance. I have to talk the hard stuff out sometimes. But I need to censor more than I have been. Things have been a little consuming lately.
I am positive. I am kind. I am loving. And sometimes I'm a huge pain in the ass. Just what it is.
blessings.\
But I have been struggling. I am a drain to those around me. I don't like it. Not one bit. I'm just....working through. Trying to figure it all out. Trying to still grow. Still learn.
I'm trying. Praying. Hoping. But way too often, the yucky seeps through. I gripe and complain to those close to me. I don't like it. Nope. Not at all.
It's not who I want to become.
But...I AM angry about things that he has done. Things that he is doing. He is hurtful. He has harmed our children. And yet, I am wounded because onlookers look at me as the bad guy. Because I divorced him. Ha. I did do that. And I am thankful that I finally parted. But do you know that every time I have tried for any kind of boundaries he has dishonored it? No? Neither do they. Those ones who are tsk tsking about me are unaware of so much.
And my son wounded me. Because he uses. Because he put me front and center for what's wrong in his life.
But, with my friends and those who care....who are real...who love me...I want to get on with being who I want to be.
I don't want the jackass disease to consume me. Yet, I do have to get it out. The truth. The reality. Not what others want to believe.
You know, I guess it will all just have to be balance. I have to talk the hard stuff out sometimes. But I need to censor more than I have been. Things have been a little consuming lately.
I am positive. I am kind. I am loving. And sometimes I'm a huge pain in the ass. Just what it is.
blessings.\
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