Here it is. The wee hours of Mother's Day. I don't dread holidays like I did before. Being single has taken the edge off. But, Mother's Day always tugs at my heart.....I can say that not having a mother in the forties is perhaps more difficult than younger. So many things that it would have been nice to share. Nice for her to get to know. These kids floor me. It would have been nice for them to have her around to enjoy them and they her. Bet she wouldn't have not come to my son's graduation because he's being a pain...because SHE was a pain! Funny.
Mom,
There's so much that I wish we could have shared. So much that I wish we were still sharing. I miss you so often and when it's not consciously missing you, there is yet a hole. However, there have been people provided by God to walk with me. To share their love and help. I am appreciative of that. Nonetheless, I miss you. And sometimes, in that time between sleeping and waking, it's like we're talking. Like you've come to meet with me. I know it's only memories and hopes...but in that moment, it's all of the real that I have and I struggle to hang onto it as I come fully awake.
You were a woman worth knowing. I have never been as posh as you were. Nor the graceful beauty. Where you seemed to move efffortlessly, I am awkward. You were outgoing...a cheerleader...me, that sounds horrible! But those who have known both of us, say that I stand like you, flip magazines like you, hold myself like you, fight back like you. I almost forgot who I was, mom. Maybe it was in one of those early mornings that you reminded me to keep fighting.
I haven't given up. I have come back. I am learning ot be fearless...you were fearless. I forgot how for awhile. But, not forever.
I really wish that you could meet my daughter. And her best friend. They are such amazing young ladies. I wish that you could know my best friend. Because that's another gift that you gave to me without directly teaching it. I remember your friends. Your girl friends. You laughed and cried and enjoyed life with them. That impacted me.
You were divorced. And going to get remarried. I can't picture the remarried part. But, I stayed in the bad for much longer. You were one brave woman. I wonder how many people shunned you? Didn't understand. Told you that you should be more forgiving. But you chose your path and walked it. You changed lives as you did.
Yes, still and forever, I miss having a mama. I miss belonging to someone. And without grandma around, having to be the matriarch, well, I didn't feel quite ready for that. So, instead, I'm just trying to be me. And love my kids much. And trust me, they have gone through some pretty crazy times. Yet, they are so easy to love. So dear to my soul.
I love you, mom. I appreciate the little things that you left as my legacy. And, thanks for giving my daughter such great skin color and brown eyes. She's a beauty. And when I look at your pcitures, I see her.
Love,
Grace.
Mom,
There's so much that I wish we could have shared. So much that I wish we were still sharing. I miss you so often and when it's not consciously missing you, there is yet a hole. However, there have been people provided by God to walk with me. To share their love and help. I am appreciative of that. Nonetheless, I miss you. And sometimes, in that time between sleeping and waking, it's like we're talking. Like you've come to meet with me. I know it's only memories and hopes...but in that moment, it's all of the real that I have and I struggle to hang onto it as I come fully awake.
You were a woman worth knowing. I have never been as posh as you were. Nor the graceful beauty. Where you seemed to move efffortlessly, I am awkward. You were outgoing...a cheerleader...me, that sounds horrible! But those who have known both of us, say that I stand like you, flip magazines like you, hold myself like you, fight back like you. I almost forgot who I was, mom. Maybe it was in one of those early mornings that you reminded me to keep fighting.
I haven't given up. I have come back. I am learning ot be fearless...you were fearless. I forgot how for awhile. But, not forever.
I really wish that you could meet my daughter. And her best friend. They are such amazing young ladies. I wish that you could know my best friend. Because that's another gift that you gave to me without directly teaching it. I remember your friends. Your girl friends. You laughed and cried and enjoyed life with them. That impacted me.
You were divorced. And going to get remarried. I can't picture the remarried part. But, I stayed in the bad for much longer. You were one brave woman. I wonder how many people shunned you? Didn't understand. Told you that you should be more forgiving. But you chose your path and walked it. You changed lives as you did.
Yes, still and forever, I miss having a mama. I miss belonging to someone. And without grandma around, having to be the matriarch, well, I didn't feel quite ready for that. So, instead, I'm just trying to be me. And love my kids much. And trust me, they have gone through some pretty crazy times. Yet, they are so easy to love. So dear to my soul.
I love you, mom. I appreciate the little things that you left as my legacy. And, thanks for giving my daughter such great skin color and brown eyes. She's a beauty. And when I look at your pcitures, I see her.
Love,
Grace.
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