changing

we are changing as a family.  getting healthier.  learning to give better.  my son that never would give up anything monetary bought stuff for his sister and i at the grocery store.  he bought a new kind of fruit for us all to try together.  he bought butterfingers for all of us.  he had gone to get cheetos and i was in my jammies and willing to drive, but not go in.  but i was still going to pay.  and he argued.  he said "no, i have money and i'm willing to spend it."  wow.  that was huge.  his dad is a tightwad.  any time anyone says, "let me"...his dad puts away his wallet.  always.  and this son has followed that trait.  until now.  and i feel like he's learning to let go.  he still saves.  but he sees people.  he wants to be nice to them.  it's pretty cool to see.  him sharing his resources.
and today my kids started their october job.  every weekend day for a month.  nine hours today.  and though i like our days, it feels so very good to be in the house this morning.  so many things ahead of me that i have in mind.  and the quiet.  just....time.
a lot on my mind.  good stuff.  but change will be in the air in the coming years.  i need to prepare.  think.  and know that god will work out the best stuff.
i look at places to live.  things to do.  maybe i am tired of living under the radar in a town where my ex is so well known.  i don't need to be well known, just not constantly connected to him.  and these thoughts and hopes are...connected with what is also good in our family.  learning to let go.  to anticipate.  to be content.  but to realize that things change.
financially, in three years, things will be drastically different.  my ex will owe me nothing.  and i will still have all of the responsibilities of kids in college.  even more kids in college.  and their transport.  and whatever else.  i guess that i think about selling the house and downsizing no matter where i live just because i want to set aside a nest egg or invest in real estate.  i'd like to house share or cut costs that make things make more sense.  i've tried to figure out how to make my current home more conducive to that.
too bad i can't just have a live in house keeper!!  i do love my job.  not the data entry.  not the paperwork.  but the connections.  the kids themselves.  the true teaching.  it's marvelous to experience a young life finding hope or finding an ability.  it may even change the whole course of their life.  that makes me happy...to have a purpose.
my daughter and son left for work on bikes.  she had one of her other brother's bikes...hers had a flat...but the loaner is really tall.  her brother at home has a slightly smaller bike. i looked outside and saw them trade and then ride off.  it was beautiful.
i like my life. love my kids.  enjoy these moments.  and i'm not afraid of what comes next.  that's the biggest change of all, i guess.  life used to be so full of stress.  so painful.  any mistakes were cause for complete disruption.  and now they aren't.  we are all beginning to relax inside.  to play.  to dream.
it's good.
blessings.