open heart

i have been learning.
learning to open my heart.
to say the things that matter.
to share what is in my soul.
and most don't even respond.
don't even care.
most rarely even look at me.
but, i've been doing it anyway.
i have forced myself.
to be vulnerable.
even at school.
with my friends.
with my kids.
to say the things that mean the most.
to encourage.
but to say what people mean to me.
and it can be quite painful to someone like me.
it IS quite painful.
because usually it just goes to the abyss
and i think that they haven't heard.
haven't seen.
haven't realized.
that i just walked my soul
naked through their life.
but then.
out of the blue.
as a surprise.
comes that moment.
that stunningly.
stopping
shocking
moment.
when someone that hardly even knows me
says
i missed you this week
we need you here
you are humble
we need humble
you laugh
we need laughter
we need you
and i am completely taken aback.
wowed
that my open heart
has found appreciation
and that though i may trot it out a thousand times
and hear nothing
it still matters
as people silently soak in the blessing of someone being real.
because when others are real
it gives us a chance to be real too
i often feel stupid sharing what's on my heart
but it is what i was made to do
and when i do it
god uses it
and though i don't often see it
or get any "return" for it
there are ramifications far beyond my understanding
so i will have an open heart
i will say the words that many feel but never identify
and i will keep on doing it
because words heal
and words make people feel valued
and words give courage
and words bless
and words lead to
THE Word.
and it's all about Him.
not about preaching
not about rules
not about legalism.
all about meeting Him
and understanding that He values them
and maybe it is simply that He uses my simplicity
to show His amazing love
and uses my vulnerability
my open heart
my risking
to show them that the risk is worth it
seriously,
i rarely have any response whatsoever
not when i write
not when i speak
but then there's that once
that surprising
awestriking once
that makes me know
that having an open heart
changes the world
my world
blessings