Choose

Life is hard.  For everyone.  Sometimes.  Harder for some.  Easier for others.  Seems like some lives hardly ever "catch a break."  Yet, from what I observe, the circumstances have very little to do with how someone conducts her life.  The circumstances don't determine if she has joy.  Some women choose to live with great joy in the midst of trials.  Others choose to live gloomy in the midst of great peace.  So, to some degree, happiness is a choice.  I choose happy. 
Sometimes that means making the hard choices in life.  Whittling away those things that are a constant drain and strain.  Ridding yourself of the things that make you feel used up, consumed, depleted.  Replacing them with things that fill you up.  Whether it's activities, people or habits.  It's important to choose.  It's life changing.  It's hard.
My happiness and contentment is my choice.  Even though that's really hard.  IN order to actually be happy, I am going to have to make some huge changes in my life. 
But, this isn't working.  It drains me.  It makes me ill.  Makes me tired.  Makes me have headaches.  The stress is taking a toll on my life that I do not wish to continue.  It has been so long. 
He acts as if everything is hunky dory.  He makes me so angry at moments that I could smack him.  He is rude in a chipper sort of way.  He is unkind as a base, but covers it over with "dear".  Fed up.  I am. 
Now, I have to do the hard thing.  Because even if it doesn't work for me.  Even if I am miserable.  I still hate the fact that I'm going to hurt him.  And, though there will be anger, it's going to hurt him too.  And I hate that.  But, he is a big boy.  He can handle it.  He will have to.  Because this I can't do anymore.