Opposites

I had an amazingly good day yesterday.  It was quite hard in some ways and quite wonderful in others.  Then I got home.  Then he got home.  Then he sat and waited for me to talk to him.  To rehash all of the same things.  for a couple of hours.  My headache began again.  But, I medicated and managed to get through it without a terrible one. 
It's a shame that he can't actually hear what I am saying.  That he only sees me through what he wants things to be.  That he sees him and how he is or what he does but not what needs I have.  But the saddest part of all is how I can't give the stuff he wants so much.  that I can't just dig down deep and keep on as it was.  Because there is a line.  There is a boundary that I should not have crossed.  I should have respected my hurts and my fears and recognized them as symptoms of something that could harm me.  Something that would ultimately destroy and cause irreparable damage. 
Wish I had been that woman that was right on his "right meter".  But I am never right.  I don't mean as in correct, I mean as in good enough.  I am never enough something.  And that is very hard.  It's hard to realize that he can be a good man and yet that he has never seen me.  Never cared what makes my eyes light up or my heart to soar.  He has no clue whatsoever.  He has no great desire to comfort me nor to be tender towards me.  It's all simply something external that he knows he "should" do.  But he is not drawn to me like that.  I am not the woman who stirs his soul awake.  I failed.  But, I will not fail in being who I am supposed to be.  The who of Who I am.  Because, that would be an insult to the One who created me.  I have used the wrong standard.  I will fail in many things, but in that, I need to be true.  So that I can be alive.  Not just exist.  Not just get through.  Not just tolerate. 
So, good and bad.  Opposites.  My day was filled with good even in the midst of the worst things ever.  I loved my day.