What Will Life Hold

Sometimes I have these moments where I'm sitting and watching people I care about.  Just being with them.  Enjoying them finding pleasure in the things that they do.  It's amazing to get to do that.  But, sometimes as I sit there, I wonder what will come of my life.  What good will I do?  How will I impact future generations? 
In recent years, I have been less than completely present in some ways.  Trying to simply make it.  I don't want to live like that.  How sad to get to the end of life and find that I wouldn't be missed because I never was really there anyway.  I don't just want to be happy, I want to be exuberant.  I want to live ABUNDANTLY.  I believe totally that it's possible. 
I keep getting knocked down.  Today was not an easy day.  The last couple of nights were hard on me.  I've been stressed.  But it's different now.  I choose to be happy.  Even if I'm not pleasing.  Even if I can't give what someone else wants.  I choose to seek what God wants from me.  I choose to live a life.  Period.  I was going to add more....but I simply choose to live the life I've been given instead of just attending.
I have made poor choices regarding that in the past.  I should have done something a long time ago.  My fault.  I thought that I was doing "right".  That keeping things together was my job.  At all costs and all that.
Turns out maybe that's just pride.
Some people are committed to God.  Some people are committed to a person.  Some people are committed to a piece of paper that represents the law.  I wanted to be committed to a person because I was committed to God.  I have no interest in spending my life committed to a piece of paper. 
I don't know what life will hold.  I know who holds my life.  And I will no longer put my life on hold.