Constipation

You know, I hear that constipation can kill a person.  Backs up all of these toxins and such into the system...and, after much pain and discomfort, a person can actually die.  But, usually it goes differently.  After much difficulty and perhaps struggle, the constipated one finally is able to "go".......what a relief.  It's amazing what effect such a seemingly insignificant event can have.  Relief.  Comfort.  But once you are able to go, it's like you just gotta' "go"......everything is rushing out. 
It's like that in sharing the things in my life that are hard.  hahahhaa.  Sorry, really, no pun was intended, though very much enjoyed when I heard it in my head.  Once I started writing and sharing, it's like I have this need to just let it out.  It is freeing.  Keeping it in is really hard on me.  It's toxic in it's own way.  But, I keep swallowing it back.  Hedging on saying the really difficult things.  Because once I do, it is going to be difficult in it's own way.
Having started this makes it almost impossible to go back to what I was.  And the thing is that while there are some pretty awful things....ok, really awful doesn't really cover it.....but, that is the life I have grown used to.  Sad, isn't it?  Like "getting used" to being constipated and slowly poisoning your body.  Not a good plan.  I know it.  But though I know it, I still feel somehow like I should be able to fix it.  I've done the things through the years that have been suggested.  Have given reasonable and beyond effort.  I thought that I could do it,  Until I knew that I couldn't.  Then it became like a horrible waiting game. 
Don't know what is going to happen or when.  All I know is that constipation wasn't working.