Survival

Sometimes I wonder if survival is the goal.  I mean, it feels like life should be so much more than just gritting my teeth and trying to make it.  I know a lot of people do it.  Perhaps it's the norm.  I want so much more.  I want to wake up with hope and joy.  Ready to face a new day.  Ready to see the blessings.  To rest.  To work.  To love.  To give.  I am not completely selfish, however, a side has come forth that demands to be heard.  It is a part of me that I try to silence often.  The desire to be treasured.  Not simply to treasure.  To be encouraged.  Not to always be the encourager.  To be allowed to falter.  To even fall.  And to actually be picked up. 
Don't think I never get that.  I do.  It is not from my husband.  He does not have that in him.  He mopes so that I will make him feel better.  He expects me to initiate intimacy so that it makes him feel desired.  He wants me to carry it all. 
I want to do more than survive.