Upsetting

Wow.  I am so weary.  Had an epiphane while I was sitting alone in my car.  I have basic needs.  Emotional.  Physical.  Mental.  Spiritual.  I am not incredibly needy.  But I have made a mistake because I have denied that I have the needs.  And what I never realized until I stopped.  Prayed.  Wondered.  Tried to really figure it out....well, you get the idea....what I never realized was that I adapted.  Learned what he needed.  How he was wired.  What he likes.  But it has never happened in reverse.  And I have always put it aside.  Believed that it was selfish to think that I had to have it.  I mean, he shouldn't need to know what I like.  Or what is important to me.  He doesn't need to want to do what I like.  He doesn't need to "get" me.  It's my job as a christian to help him.  To be what he needs.  And years past.  Years and years.
And finally, I started seeing the same things with his relationship with the kids.  Today it reminded me.  He called three different phones in a few minutes.  Seems like it must be an emergency.  But, it wasn't.  It was to tell me about one of our son's facebook accounts and how a rude message had been sent out.  He never calls me to tell me how great they are.  Never reaches out about how wonderful they are.  But, someone from church had called him and complained.....he was embarrassed.  Instead of explaining that sometimes that happens, he took it personally.  Verbally attacked me on the phone that I should take it more seriously.  How he was going to "speak with him" about it.  Well, at least he'll speak to him, I guess.  But it made me sad.  He has completely missed it.  What a loss for him.  He is missing out on the most important things in life.  He gets involved to tear down.  What a pleasure it would be to see him build up.  He "play" ridicules about competing.  But it isn't play.  He needs to win.  He pretends that he's laid back, but he simmers.  But, if he can't see how wonderful the kids are....well, it shouldn't be surprising that he can't see me.  Because they are amazing. 
And it upsets me.  It also allows me to see a little more clearly.  That maybe no matter what I'd do I would be invisible.  Maybe it's not even about who I am or how I am, but about him not being able to care.  Not sure.
Probably not.  Like I said...I'm a little prickly.  A little hard to love.  Maybe he finds me unworthy.