depth and sharing

tonight was beautiful.  about grace. about redemption.  about god wanting to be with us.  how he shows us over and over and over and over.  it was breath.  it was food.  but there was nobody to tell it to.  i needed to "debrief"...to share the depth of the spiritual experience.  I have been lacking that in life.  i try, but usually feel stupid.  i guess i just had to sit with the emotion.  with the experience.  but it lacked something.
community.  relationship.  i have my kids.  they are good.  i actually spoke to a couple of people tonight and survived.  but there's nobody that connects to my heart and seeks it out.  who desires to know or hear.  sometimes i wonder if i'm destined to be invisible in the deep things of life....if maybe that's just how it will be.  god sees me.  i'll live.  i'll even thrive.  but i will also mourn.  i remember times of connection.  i just guess that i've lost it.  that i don't know how.  or that i'm a pain or something.
lots of talking in the world.  but i really crave sharing.  depth.  that's what feeds me.  so, i've been walking and loving and going on.  but though i love people.  though i know they love me.  in this manner...i am invisible.
but still....it was a beautiful night.  and i can share that here.
blessings.