Pulling it Together

Here I sit, trying to pull it together.  Trying to take a breath.  The girls decided to have a party for me today.....inviting people over to my not only messy, but incredibly dirty home.  Seriously.  I was looking around this morning thinking how tired I am, how I just have to fight off this cold, how I will get to it all, but that at least I could rest today.  Then....the girls who had told me that they were cooking lunch inform me that we are having company.  Yikes.  Really?  I am weeping again.  Seriously?  I love them.  I will pull it together.  But the last thing I want to do is get up and entertain anyone.  My introvert self is in a horrible spin.  Trying to be loving and kind while at the same time trying to find peace.  Not easy at this moment.  I don't want to play games.  I don't want to interact with chit chat.  Kids would have been fine.  But they invited grown ups.  One of whom doesn't even speak to me anymore.  Goodness.  Fearless.  Trying.  But I am in a spin.  Like I can't get my balance.  I am so distressed.  I really don't want to do this.  Really.  At all.  Nope.  I want to go drive off and leave everyone to the "party", but I know that would hurt the girls.  So, here I am trying to make the best.  The living room and family rooms have been wrecked by the boys.  Dishes everywhere.  Floors a mess.  And no cozy place to be.  This is not what I wanted.  This is not what I want.  But this is what I have. So I have to pull it together.
My daughter wrapped her arms around me and told me she loves me.  She suddenly realized how hard it was going to be for me to interact...not just about the house, but about the people coming.  And she empathized.  She got it.  I saw it.  Guess that's the good that has come.
Knew I should have cleaned yesterday when I was so tired and it was snowy and I was just trying to rest.  I wasn't able to rest anyway.  Should have just skipped it.