My ex is a fraud. It took me a long time to just admit it. I married a fraud. He behaves like he's oh so nice. Yet, when he is with those he "loves", he chooses himself. He chooses his schedule. He chooses what he wants He chooses how he wants it.
I was looking around my house and realizing that of the things I asked to be done, he did none. He did many projects, but refused to do anything that he was aware I wanted. Boys bedroom being finished. Light fixtures. Fan above stove...vent. Finish cabinetry trim in kitchen. Fix bathroom door...lower it. Fix blind. Funny how he worked for so many hours but absolutely refused to do things that mattered to the kids. Refused to do things that mattered to me. A tree house that he promised my son...who is now turning 20 this week. Truly. It's not impatience on our part. We don't nag. Nothing was able to matter to him if it wasn't his idea or choice.
As a matter of fact, if I wanted something,that meant it went to the back burner. It was a lesson in how not to show interest or how to work backwards to express what I wanted. Not a good thing.
All came up because he swooped in to our daughter's concert last night and got his photo taken with her. It is her fb photo now. She so craves genuine daddy love. Being the princess. But, the photo isn't what put me over the edge. The aunt that I don't hear from, who comments on nothing, who "left me to god", commented that the photo was beautiful. She doesn't know him. She sees that outer facade and buys in. It's hard. It's painful. It feels wrong. But there's nothing I can do about it.
I am learning how easy it is to hurt people by action and inaction. I want to grow and be a kinder person,
I don't want to be with him. He makes me feel sick. Literally. Scares me.
So...on to my day.
blessings.
I was looking around my house and realizing that of the things I asked to be done, he did none. He did many projects, but refused to do anything that he was aware I wanted. Boys bedroom being finished. Light fixtures. Fan above stove...vent. Finish cabinetry trim in kitchen. Fix bathroom door...lower it. Fix blind. Funny how he worked for so many hours but absolutely refused to do things that mattered to the kids. Refused to do things that mattered to me. A tree house that he promised my son...who is now turning 20 this week. Truly. It's not impatience on our part. We don't nag. Nothing was able to matter to him if it wasn't his idea or choice.
As a matter of fact, if I wanted something,that meant it went to the back burner. It was a lesson in how not to show interest or how to work backwards to express what I wanted. Not a good thing.
All came up because he swooped in to our daughter's concert last night and got his photo taken with her. It is her fb photo now. She so craves genuine daddy love. Being the princess. But, the photo isn't what put me over the edge. The aunt that I don't hear from, who comments on nothing, who "left me to god", commented that the photo was beautiful. She doesn't know him. She sees that outer facade and buys in. It's hard. It's painful. It feels wrong. But there's nothing I can do about it.
I am learning how easy it is to hurt people by action and inaction. I want to grow and be a kinder person,
I don't want to be with him. He makes me feel sick. Literally. Scares me.
So...on to my day.
blessings.
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