Still

I am still praying for those who find this place.  Those who are hurting.  Those who think that nobody understands.  I know that it's not a roses and glitter kind of a place to find, but I hope that it's like an oxygen mask.  I hope that in finding this place you won't experience preaching or directions or what you must do, but simply a few moments to be and realize the truth.  To allow yourself to feel the reality of what has been.  Not having to put on your game face or your making it work clothes.  Simply a few moments to be still.  To acknowledge that woman in you that still exists, even if just faintly.  A few moments to walk on my journey and perhaps see your journey more clearly.  This is why I keep this up so frequently.  I want you along for the journey.  The ups and downs.  The confusion.  The heartache.  All of what makes up a woman who has allowed herself to get lost and sometimes forgotten.  Hidden.  Knocked down.  Because maybe my reality and my rawness in sharing it will allow you to have less shame.  I know that it's hard not to sit down in the shame and not ever want to get up again.  That this is not how it was supposed to be.  That this is not how you were supposed to feel.  Still, if you are looking around for what is wrong then it's not too late.  There is still time to find a way.  I can't tell you what the way is.  I don't even know how to get through my life except for one moment at a time.  But I can tell you that the One who loves you dearly, who made you purposefully, who looks at you just how you are without seeing disgrace, will walk with You.  He walks with me.  He covers me.  He gives me laughter in my mourning.  He is faithful each new day.  He is still with me.  And I hope that the knowledge that He is still with me even being as honest and as confused and as bad as I am will help you to get up and face one more day.  You still have a life.  You are still breathing.  And in life there are choices.  Hard choices.  Impossible choices.  But no matter what you choose, you are never abandoned.  That is huge for me.  The message I kept getting was that if I do the right things and act the right way then I would not be abandoned.  But, if I didn't then I was on my own.  What I've learned is that life is so complex and circumstances so convoluted that I can't even figure out what right is half of the time.  Being committed is right.....but to what or whom?  And to what degree?  What if one commitment interferes with another or a higher commitment?  How do you answer that?  I think I have to wrestle it out.  I think that it's not easy.  But, I think that when I'm being that honest, He is right there with me.  Still.  Even now.  Especially now.  Don't let your heart remain troubled.  Get it out for the moment and go to the next moment and have a good one.  The days will be full of both crying and distress, and singing and joy.  It will be FULL not empty. 
Welcome.  You are cared for.  You are treasured.  You were created.  You have purpose.  You are desired.  You are full of potential.  You have hope.  Because you have Him.  The maker of heaven and earth.  Who never changes.  Who never gets weary or tired.  So, let it go.  He will hang on....still.