How Does the LIe Become Real?

I know how hard it is to be abused.  I've been there.  But, this mental thing is getting me even more.  How what is lie becomes truth. Not really truth, but like it's own reality in my mind.  That the person I am is what he says I am and not who I know I am.......or....at least......was.  Is she gone forever.  How can I ever find the woman who I was meant to be?  Don't know how.  It's like she got swept up into someone else's life.  Taken over.  Done away with.  Like I exist as a tentacle of who he is.
Perhaps that is one reason I have such a hard time in a public setting.  He is really good at being social.  He thrives on it.  He has lots of talents.  He is really smart.  But he has never made me feel like I have anything of worth  Other than the fact that I'm his.  It's not enough. 
But how did it become real?  I didn't mean for his views to take over my life. I have to struggle every day to allow the things that I am to resurface.  To come to light again.  To make my own choice about how to live. 
I'm afraid.  Though I can get out of that pit sometimes, at the base of it all lurks the fear that I am what he says.  That  I'm not good enough  Not worthy.  That I should be thankful for what he has offered. 
But, I'm not.  And even if I can never find her again, I would rather spend my life striving to be who I was created to be than trying to fit into his idea of what I am.  Because who she is, I despise.  I have no respect for. 
I would rather struggle and figure it out than make the lie real.  Only I can really allow that.  Oh, God, give me the strength to stand.  To not allow that.