When I Don't Get It

Pretty much, I like to understand things.  Like to work things out.  Like to communicate.  When those things are taken away from me, I flounder.  Seriously.  I despise not being able to figure something out.  Like when someone you thought was your friend begins to talk about you all over town and your hear it and you know it's happening, but you don't know why.  It's a horrible, helpless feeling.  There's no way to combat it. 
I don't like not getting it.  I can stand not getting things....but not understanding what is going on drives me cuckoo.  Learning to just let God do his thing has been the order of my life for the last couple of years.
To not live in someone else's mess.  To walk away from the drama.  To separate myself from it as much as possible.  To hear what might be true with grace and let the rest go.  That's really hard.  I mean, all of that having to look at how imperfect I am really can be crushing...especially if I'm already down on myself. 
But, just because I don't get it doesn't mean that I am not smart enough or understanding enough.  I think that some people are just that crazy.  Really troubled.  They do things that are off the wall.  Undefinable.  And though I can love them, I can't lean on them or trust them like I wish I could.
It's hard to lose people you thought were friends.  I really don't get it.  But, I do get that it happens.  It's loss.  And I will survive.  How I survive is up to me.  My choices.  My responses.  My actions.  I choose, again today, to LIVE.  Well.  Very well.