I have lived God's promises. Over and over in my life. He does indeed give strength to the weary. I managed to walk out of my friend's house. She was very kind. She offered me her sofa over mine. And, hands down, I would have slept better., Yet.....it's not right for her to have to carry. I know how much weight it is. And she does more than her share already.
But, the offer itself lightens the load. I did want to say...but if I change my mind in the middle of the night, will it still be ok. The thing is....if I really need it, it'll be alright. I should have gone last night. I know it. Just hard to drag others along on the merry go round. Much more fun and productive to enjoy good times with them. To have those moments of relaxation.
On my way home I wondered if some people have the feelings that I have with my friends in their marriages. The concept is foreign to me. With my friends it feels like I'm me. And like for good or for bad that it is a good thing. Like....they like me. It feels so easy. Indescribably easy. Though it hasn't always been smooth. I've had disagreements with my friends. Tiffs. I've hurt my friends. They have hurt me. But there is an underlying respect and kindness that touches my heart. I trust them with my heart. With who I am.
I'm weary. Waiting on the "mounting up like an eagle" part of the verse. I'm totally ready to "fly away"...to soar. Timing is everything.
He's still up. I'm so tired. So nervous to simply sleep. Makes it hard. I had half an hour at home today without him between taking my son to coach basketball and picking him up. And I crashed. On a loveseat. I woke up one minute before I was to pick him up. I couldn't believe it.
This is just a season. I will rise up. And while I may look like a wimp....I'm not. I'm having to find my way. On a road I never wanted to be on. And yet, this road is leading to a beautiful spot. I'm off the interstate and winding my way around. That is who I am.
He won't leave. I'm getting more and more sure. And that means that I might have to. Doesn't seem fair to my kids...cuz you can bet your boots I'll be taking them with me. Seems like they should get to keep their rooms. But, whatever happens it will be better than this part. This part sucks.
Hope I sleep.
grace to you.
But, the offer itself lightens the load. I did want to say...but if I change my mind in the middle of the night, will it still be ok. The thing is....if I really need it, it'll be alright. I should have gone last night. I know it. Just hard to drag others along on the merry go round. Much more fun and productive to enjoy good times with them. To have those moments of relaxation.
On my way home I wondered if some people have the feelings that I have with my friends in their marriages. The concept is foreign to me. With my friends it feels like I'm me. And like for good or for bad that it is a good thing. Like....they like me. It feels so easy. Indescribably easy. Though it hasn't always been smooth. I've had disagreements with my friends. Tiffs. I've hurt my friends. They have hurt me. But there is an underlying respect and kindness that touches my heart. I trust them with my heart. With who I am.
I'm weary. Waiting on the "mounting up like an eagle" part of the verse. I'm totally ready to "fly away"...to soar. Timing is everything.
He's still up. I'm so tired. So nervous to simply sleep. Makes it hard. I had half an hour at home today without him between taking my son to coach basketball and picking him up. And I crashed. On a loveseat. I woke up one minute before I was to pick him up. I couldn't believe it.
This is just a season. I will rise up. And while I may look like a wimp....I'm not. I'm having to find my way. On a road I never wanted to be on. And yet, this road is leading to a beautiful spot. I'm off the interstate and winding my way around. That is who I am.
He won't leave. I'm getting more and more sure. And that means that I might have to. Doesn't seem fair to my kids...cuz you can bet your boots I'll be taking them with me. Seems like they should get to keep their rooms. But, whatever happens it will be better than this part. This part sucks.
Hope I sleep.
grace to you.
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