Funny, I began to type the title for me...and realized that it is the name of a study. I am on a healing journey. To learn to own my own stuff, to trust God with absolutely everything and to forgive the one who absolutely doesn't have to change at all to deserve forgiveness. Because I don't have to change for God to forgive me. And He just asks me to forgive. Not to excuse. Just to forgive.
And I get on the journey. On the path. But, that man has a way of picking at me. Of hurting me. He will disregard that which I hope for or ask for and behave as if he is doing what I want or need. As if he is being helpful to me. Learning that I can heal. That I can allow myself the pain. That I can sit there. Broken. Hurting. And not finished. In the process of being completed. Loved. Held. Allowing Him to make things right in my life. Not perfect. Not easy. But right. Good. All things working together for good.
I am on a journey to healing. I have to go through the storms, the dark, the high hills. I have to keep going on this path..this journey. Because freedom is beautiful. Because the truth is that no matter how hard this seems to be...I am so much better than before. The nightmares are much less. The overwhelming fear is dissipating....generally.
And though I have hurts because of how relationships are.....it's nothing I need to control. I just have to feel it and deal with it and let it go. There are people who love me lots though they can't be what I wish I could have. I just need to let what is be good.
Weekends are tough. But.....life is beautiful. I have talents. I have gifts. I am blessed. I choose joy. Even in the midst of this crap. And this day had it's share of lousy events.
I am choosing a healing journey. This journey.
blessings.
And I get on the journey. On the path. But, that man has a way of picking at me. Of hurting me. He will disregard that which I hope for or ask for and behave as if he is doing what I want or need. As if he is being helpful to me. Learning that I can heal. That I can allow myself the pain. That I can sit there. Broken. Hurting. And not finished. In the process of being completed. Loved. Held. Allowing Him to make things right in my life. Not perfect. Not easy. But right. Good. All things working together for good.
I am on a journey to healing. I have to go through the storms, the dark, the high hills. I have to keep going on this path..this journey. Because freedom is beautiful. Because the truth is that no matter how hard this seems to be...I am so much better than before. The nightmares are much less. The overwhelming fear is dissipating....generally.
And though I have hurts because of how relationships are.....it's nothing I need to control. I just have to feel it and deal with it and let it go. There are people who love me lots though they can't be what I wish I could have. I just need to let what is be good.
Weekends are tough. But.....life is beautiful. I have talents. I have gifts. I am blessed. I choose joy. Even in the midst of this crap. And this day had it's share of lousy events.
I am choosing a healing journey. This journey.
blessings.
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