Our lives are a journey that we walk together not in order to become "good christian women," but rather to draw near to God so that we can reflect His light to those around us. Our stories, our paths, our dreams and our message are all unique. But we hold hands and walk boldly, fearlessly......onward...creating joy, hope, faith and peace in our wake.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

heart felt

I feel things deeply.  Way down inside.  It is good.  For me.  Because it is who I am.  I am introspective.  I am a thinker....sometimes an overthinker.  But it's who I am.  I can't change it anymore than I can change my body type.  It's just a part of who I am.
I have a lot on my plate right now emotionally.  It's not bad.  I'm not even complaining.  I'm actually doing pretty well.  I am just simply tired.  Bone deep.  In that place where I just want...maybe NEED?....some time to sleep and rest and not have to look at the mess everywhere.
And so...though Christmas is going to be really hard, it's also going to be God's gift to me.  Time.  Still.  Quiet.  Able to sleep.  Able to wander.  Able to simply do as I need to do for me.  Sometimes I just need to cry.  Sometimes I just need a little time to just be.
Not get things done.  Or...work until I do get something done and then sleep as long as I need to.  Not on the schedule of school and family.
Because I am experiencing a loss.
I am hurting.  And it's difficult.  Trying.  It's intense at times.  And yet, I have to keep functioning and making it.  So, some time will be good for me.
Looking forward to Thankgiving too.  I've always loved it.  And I am ever so thankful.
Exhausted tonight.  So much to deal with in my mind and heart....and yet....also....so much to just think upon regarding blessings.
blessings.

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