So many things

so much goes on in my life on a day to day basis.  by 615, I've put in 13 hours already. i've made sure that my kids are fed, have what they need for school, got to school, got home,  gone to work myself, worked with kids all day long, then done the paperwork aspect of my teaching job....i call it my "second job." ;)  i play some words with friends.  i do dishes.  i pick up around the house.  i throw the ball for my dog.  i am....relaxed.  in some weird sort of way, my body has found peace.  my mind and soul as well.  though there is activity all around.  though i never know how money is going to work out.  this month i'm thinking that if this little over half tank of gas doesn't last until next week's paycheck then i'm sunk.  but....not really.  it'll all work out.  some way.  some how.  with the grace that god gives.  with kindness.  i have to tell my kids to wait on some things.  on other things, we get to go ahead and do them.  they are used to the end of the month.  they get it.  but, when the beginning of the month comes again, i will be so thankful to pay my bills, fill my cupboards....actually, that is a blessing, i learned early on to always have food, toilet paper and toiletries....oh, and all of the basic soaps.  that way, we can limp along if we need to.  nothing fancy, but what we need.
i was talking to my kids today about going to texas with their dad for the holiday.  it's hard for me to say it positively, but i really tried.  i worked at convincing my kids to leave me at christmas time.  so that they will all be together.  their dad's family will make it nice for them.  they will be spoiled.  they will party endlessly and get way too little sleep.  it will mostly be fun.  my one son might go if he can stay with his aunt and uncle that have moved away from texas...but still have a house there.  i wrote to see if they will be there.  my daughter is warming to the idea.  sort of.  and i was extremely courageous.  i know for a fact how it will feel to wake up on christmas morning.  but.....knowing that they are all together will be good.  and, christmas for our family can be when we are all together. 
you see, always a lot going on...emotionally as well as every other way. 
but i am courageous.  i am kind.  i am learning to let go.  to let things happen differently  to be a parent, not a needy "take care of my needs" family member.  i am their parent.  i must have their best interest in my focus.  period.  and i guess....i will be able to sleep in and not do much cooking!  see there, a positive. 
so much to deal with.  and i still wonder....how is god gonna make this gas last?  dunno.  but he hasn't failed me yet.
blessings.