Maybe I can like who I am and still change some behaviors. I am somehow not user friendly for people. Thankfully, professionally, I am good. I have that down for work. And...I care a lot about relationships, so I can learn....I'm teachable.
I just keep thinking....what is that thing that other people have that I just don't?
How strange it is. I feel normal inside. Like the intense emotions and deep feeling and intuitiveness is natural. But, I'm weird. Why do I have to be weird, God? Can't I just fit in and be able to be easily "gotten"? Please??? Just for awhile??? Because this is hard.
Really hard.
And there was nothing wrong today. Nothing at all. I just needed to be connected. And I blew it. I interrupted, I messed up communication...I just can't get what I need because I just can't be how people should be. And then, that made me so sad. Like horribly sad...and I left...because I knew that I had blown it yet again.
I feel like a jerk when really I just want to be nice. Relaxed. I don't need to vent or gossip. I just sometimes need someone near. Maybe it's my tactileness too? I don't know. I could wonder what's wrong with me for days without figuring it out.
Instead....I'm going to remember that I like me. I really do. I'm caring. And giving. I'm fun. I'm adventurous. I'm loyal. I'm able to understand things. I am sensitive. Though....people may not know that. I'm a peace seeker. I like to get along. I don't like to create waves. I like to make things easy for people.
I like me. It's true. It's a party. Only of one. But still...evenso....no matter what...I can't forsake the "me" of me anymore.
I just keep thinking....what is that thing that other people have that I just don't?
How strange it is. I feel normal inside. Like the intense emotions and deep feeling and intuitiveness is natural. But, I'm weird. Why do I have to be weird, God? Can't I just fit in and be able to be easily "gotten"? Please??? Just for awhile??? Because this is hard.
Really hard.
And there was nothing wrong today. Nothing at all. I just needed to be connected. And I blew it. I interrupted, I messed up communication...I just can't get what I need because I just can't be how people should be. And then, that made me so sad. Like horribly sad...and I left...because I knew that I had blown it yet again.
I feel like a jerk when really I just want to be nice. Relaxed. I don't need to vent or gossip. I just sometimes need someone near. Maybe it's my tactileness too? I don't know. I could wonder what's wrong with me for days without figuring it out.
Instead....I'm going to remember that I like me. I really do. I'm caring. And giving. I'm fun. I'm adventurous. I'm loyal. I'm able to understand things. I am sensitive. Though....people may not know that. I'm a peace seeker. I like to get along. I don't like to create waves. I like to make things easy for people.
I like me. It's true. It's a party. Only of one. But still...evenso....no matter what...I can't forsake the "me" of me anymore.
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